Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium
By Guest Writer: Julia Winston
The short version of the story goes like this. Painfully virginal middle-class suburban girl grows up in painfully normal and comfortable ‘proper’ neighborhood. She learns about her body parts from books and school sex Ed. class. This girl will be a good girl, not sleep around in high school, meet her husband at 17, marry him at 21 and think that it will be perfectly fine to spend the rest of her life making herself climax after sex instead of during. At least I was capable of orgasm, I had an inkling that many women were not. Fast forward to age 22, when an unexpected man from my past reentered my life in the most serendipitous and wonderful of ways. Fast forward to the moment I realized that my marriage, although comfortable and loving and without any obvious flaws, was…how should I put this…boring. I started to get the feeling that perhaps I was missing something, that perhaps at the age of 21, I didn’t know everything. I have always been a curious person, but at the time, I had trouble escaping the cultural paradigm on which I was raised. My husband was older than me and even less sexually experienced than I was.
It took a chance encounter with my high school sweetheart to get the curiosity flowing. It took his constant positivity and trustworthiness. It took months and months of excruciatingly chaste friendship until finally, my sexual-self emerged from the shadows, a surprise it seems, only to me. He knew I had it in me all along and he was determined to help my inner slut emerge and flourish. Our society loves sexy women but shuns women who love sex. I wasn’t ready yet to be seen as a slut.
Our passion was palpable and rooted in pheromones and matching chemistry but our encounters were still reticent, cautious and controlled due to my inability to turn off my brain and surrender. I couldn’t let go of mother culture. I was open though, and willing to try new things. We would watch porn together and talk about things that turned us on. I ALWAYS skipped the butt stuff. I thought it was the ultimate turn off. How could anal sex possibly be comfortable, clean or pleasurable for that matter. Surely only porn stars have anal sex and then surely only because they are being paid and men like it. My upbringing was germaphobic and private. Asses MUST be disgusting. So although I continued being ‘adventurous’ in my eyes, I was clearly not living up to the spirit of the word. During this period in my life, I tried anal sex once or twice and did not love it or hate it, just mostly felt indifferent and confused about it.
Fast forward again. Lovers have come and gone. None have insisted on anal and so I felt secure in the fact that this would not be a part of my sexual experience and was totally at peace with that. High school lover comes back into my life again and this time, our wild oats have been sowed with others and we are ready to move forward in exploration together. He has ALWAYS loved anal sex but I never knew how much. I wonder whether my reticence on this issue will cause our relationship to fall apart and so I open myself up to all possibilities. I let love and trust rule and throw all caution to the wayside. I decide to let him ‘train’ me. He knows what he is doing and I feel confident.
Those first couple months of my training were some of the most intense of my life. Not only was I expanding my sexual repertoire, but I felt my mind and spirit expanding as well. I gained a new appreciation for my body and what it is capable of. I felt pleasure I did not even know existed. My first ass plug was a beautiful metal weighted crystal jewel plug and it felt more like a piece of jewelry than a training tool. It made my ass feel pretty. It made me feel like the hole I had so overlooked was more special than I had given credit. As my sexual appetites changed and grew, I came to enjoy anal sex even more than conventional sex. I came to wish I could train longer and harder. I came to want to please my partner in ways I would have shunned 10 years before. And the pleasure and closeness was mutual. It was as if, through the magic of submission through anal sex, I had found a new calling.
I know this sounds dramatic and that a lot of people, even those who participate in the act, do not feel this way about anal sex, but I am a person who demands change and transformation. I am a person who is adventurous and open minded. My journey to better, closer and more intense sex with mind blowing double penetration anal orgasms and even squirting anal orgasms had now led me to want to share. My experience has led me to become a sex educator and to the creation of erotica and sexy content that suits my own tastes instead of relying on the creations of others. My constant need to improve myself and learn has led me to the extremes of anal sex, my original limits broken and smashed, I seek new and higher planes of existence. I seek to stretch and strengthen and use my body and be used. I seek to share my pleasure and my pain with others so they may get a glimpse of the revolution I have evoked in my own body. For if we do not even understand the pleasure potential of our own body, how can we be expected to understand another person?
Julia ‘Muse’ Winston is a sexual scientist and erotic artist. She is the head researcher and mastermind behind The Squirt Project, and international online resource on the topic of Female Ejaculation. Her workshops are held at Wicked Wanda’s in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Julia Winston
#1 – My absolute favorite lube for everything sexy-time related including anal is Hathor’s SUTIL lube. One of the only water-based lubes on our list, SUTIL is a fantastic lube that is eco-friendly and chemical-free. What makes SUTIL different than the other Hathor products is that it is meant to feel like silicone but it is water-based. Through my experience with it, I completely agree that it does feel like silicone in that it is thicker than traditional water-based lubes. That said, it is still water-based so it will eventually start absorbing into the skin. Add some spit or water, even more lube and it will come right back to life. The reason I like this lube so much is because it is great for sensitive skin, leaves very little residue and it is completely safe with all toys including silicone. It also has a wonderful consistency that feels luxuriant. The price is a little steep at $24.99+taxes for 4oz/120 ml but that is because it is a Canadian-made product shipped from Vancouver and it is made from fantastic natural ingredients, rather than harsh chemicals.
#2 – The only other water-based lube on this list is our second place product: Sliquid’s Sassy lube. Nicknamed the booty gel by the Wanda’s staff, this lube is long-lasting and totally safe. This lube gets second place because it is glycerin and paraben free like our SUTIL friend but is not Canadian-made. The booty gel is great for a water-based anal lube because it has a thick consistency and gets the job done. It is tasteless, scentless and entirely vegan. I like this one a little less than the SUTILbecause of a difference in consistency and the less eco-friendly nature of the highly-produced Sliquid brand. For a 4oz/120ml it is $14.99+ taxes. The 8.5 oz/255ml is $24.99+taxes.
#3 – Next on the list is Sliquid’s Silver lube. This is a purely silicone-based lube and it has everything one could want with a thick, silicone lube. It is smooth and simple. Sliquid is a great brand because all of their products are glycerin and paraben free, including being vegan and always consistent. This particular one is hypoallergenic, scent-free and waterproof. It can be used as an anal or vaginal lube and for sensual massage because it lasts so long. That said, it is silicone so you cannot use it with silicone toys and sometimes silicone lube stains sheets. Another one of those lubes that gets the job done for an affordable price. For 4.2oz/ 125ml it is $16.99+ taxes and for 8.5oz/ 255ml it is $29.99+taxes. You’ll notice with silicone lubes they almost always cost more because the lube itself is more expensive to make.
#4 – Gun Oil is our fourth place anal product but by no means is it lacking in fantastic performance capabilities. Gun Oil is another silicone lubricant that is extremely popular when we feature it in the store. It is simple and doesn’t weigh heavy on the skin or seem to coat the skin undesirably but it does lubricate really well. Like mentioned before, you do not want to use silicone toys with this one but it is popular for those coming in with a lot of experience with anal play. It doesn’t beat out theSliquid silicone lube because it does have chemicals and doesn’t guarantee being free of parabens or glycerin.
#5 – The last lube on this top 5 list is unique in ingredients and consistency. Boy Butter is the only partially oil-based lube you can find at Wicked Wanda’s but it uses oil in its ingredients for a reason. A hybrid of oil and silicone, this lube lasts a very long time and washes out of cloth and off of skin. While we do not recommend using condoms at all with this lubricant because it can immediately compromise the condoms integrity, it is a great lube for anal. There is the option of getting Boy Butter without the oil yet it doesn’t necessarily last as long. This lube is great for anal sex with wiggly bits and no condoms but due to the restrictions on usage, it gets 5th place.
Femme Fatale 