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Booty Blog .4 Julia’s Story

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

By Guest Writer: Julia Winston

The short version of the story goes like this. Painfully virginal middle-class suburban girl grows up in painfully normal and comfortable ‘proper’ neighborhood. She learns about her body parts from books and school sex Ed. class. This girl will be a good girl, not sleep around in high school, meet her husband at 17, marry him at 21 and think that it will be perfectly fine to spend the rest of her life making herself climax after sex instead of during. At least I was capable of orgasm, I had an inkling that many women were not. Fast forward to age 22, when an unexpected man from my past reentered my life in the most serendipitous and wonderful of ways. Fast forward to the moment I realized that my marriage, although comfortable and loving and without any obvious flaws, was…how should I put this…boring. I started to get the feeling that perhaps I was missing something, that perhaps at the age of 21, I didn’t know everything. I have always been a curious person, but at the time, I had trouble escaping the cultural paradigm on which I was raised. My husband was older than me and even less sexually experienced than I was.

It took a chance encounter with my high school sweetheart to get the curiosity flowing. It took his constant positivity and trustworthiness. It took months and months of excruciatingly chaste friendship until finally, my sexual-self emerged from the shadows, a surprise it seems, only to me. He knew I had it in me all along and he was determined to help my inner slut emerge and flourish. Our society loves sexy women but shuns women who love sex. I wasn’t ready yet to be seen as a slut.

Our passion was palpable and rooted in pheromones and matching chemistry but our encounters were still reticent, cautious and controlled due to my inability to turn off my brain and surrender. I couldn’t let go of mother culture. I was open though, and willing to try new things. We would watch porn together and talk about things that turned us on. I ALWAYS skipped the butt stuff. I thought it was the ultimate turn off. How could anal sex possibly be comfortable, clean or pleasurable for that matter. Surely only porn stars have anal sex and then surely only because they are being paid and men like it. My upbringing was germaphobic and private. Asses MUST be disgusting. So although I continued being ‘adventurous’ in my eyes, I was clearly not living up to the spirit of the word. During this period in my life, I tried anal sex once or twice and did not love it or hate it, just mostly felt indifferent and confused about it.crystal jellies kit

Fast forward again. Lovers have come and gone. None have insisted on anal and so I felt secure in the fact that this would not be a part of my sexual experience and was totally at peace with that. High school lover comes back into my life again and this time, our wild oats have been sowed with others and we are ready to move forward in exploration together. He has ALWAYS loved anal sex but I never knew how much. I wonder whether my reticence on this issue will cause our relationship to fall apart and so I open myself up to all possibilities. I let love and trust rule and throw all caution to the wayside. I decide to let him ‘train’ me. He knows what he is doing and I feel confident.

Those first couple months of my training were some of the most intense of my life. Not only was I expanding my sexual repertoire, but I felt my mind and spirit expanding as well. I gained a new appreciation for my body and what it is capable of. I felt pleasure I did not even know existed. My first ass plug was a beautiful metal weighted crystal jewel plug and it felt more like a piece of jewelry than a training tool. It made my ass feel pretty. It made me feel like the hole I had so overlooked was more special than I had given credit. As my sexual appetites changed and grew, I came to enjoy anal sex even more than conventional sex. I came to wish I could train longer and harder. I came to want to please my partner in ways I would have shunned 10 years before. And the pleasure and closeness was mutual. It was as if, through the magic of submission through anal sex, I had found a new calling.anal fantasy vibe

I know this sounds dramatic and that a lot of people, even those who participate in the act, do not feel this way about anal sex, but I am a person who demands change and transformation. I am a person who is adventurous and open minded. My journey to better, closer and more intense sex with mind blowing double penetration anal orgasms and even squirting anal orgasms had now led me to want to share. My experience has led me to become a sex educator and to the creation of erotica and sexy content that suits my own tastes instead of relying on the creations of others. My constant need to improve myself and learn has led me to the extremes of anal sex, my original limits broken and smashed, I seek new and higher planes of existence. I seek to stretch and strengthen and use my body and be used. I seek to share my pleasure and my pain with others so they may get a glimpse of the revolution I have evoked in my own body. For if we do not even understand the pleasure potential of our own body, how can we be expected to understand another person?

Julia ‘Muse’ Winston is a sexual scientist and erotic artist. She is the head researcher and mastermind behind The Squirt Project, and international online resource on the topic of Female Ejaculation. Her workshops are held at Wicked Wanda’s in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Julia Winston

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The Booty Blog 3. Lubrication, Lubrication, Lubrication

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

During my journey into anal and as a sex store clerk I’ve discovered one very important thing… Lube is key. Unlike the vagina, the anus, or any parts of your bum, do not have a self-lubricating system. Spit orgod help me, water is not good lubrication at all. Women hate it when their legs chafe in the summer or worse men hate it when their balls chafe, imagine in your butt… wait, don’t, because it is horrible. Let alone, without proper lubrication during anal play, you can actually tear and deeply hurt your arse-hole and the anal canal. So for the purpose of the Booty Blog I’ve come up with a list of the top five anal lubes that you can find at Wicked Wanda’s and which will definitely get the job done.

Sutil by Hathor#1 – My absolute favorite lube for everything sexy-time related including anal is Hathor’s SUTIL lube. One of the only water-based lubes on our list, SUTIL is a fantastic lube that is eco-friendly and chemical-free. What makes SUTIL different than the other Hathor products is that it is meant to feel like silicone but it is water-based. Through my experience with it, I completely agree that it does feel like silicone in that it is thicker than traditional water-based lubes. That said, it is still water-based so it will eventually start absorbing into the skin. Add some spit or water, even more lube and it will come right back to life. The reason I like this lube so much is because it is great for sensitive skin, leaves very little residue and it is completely safe with all toys including silicone. It also has a wonderful consistency that feels luxuriant. The price is a little steep at $24.99+taxes for 4oz/120 ml but that is because it is a Canadian-made product shipped from Vancouver and it is made from fantastic natural ingredients, rather than harsh chemicals.

Note: Be careful about silicone lubes, while they are the go-to for a lot of people’s anal play because they are thicker and longer-lasting, they play too nice with silicone toys. Silicone lube and toys tend to start melting into each other which ruins your toy’s integrity and eventually makes the toy useless. Of course you can use silicone lube with non-silicone toys and if you are just going with a straight up penis or fingers. It is also a misconception that you can’t have a condom on and do silicone lube at the same time. There is nothing about silicone lube that is harmful to condoms, that is oil-based lube and it is rare to find oil in lubes these days because of it.

Sassy#2 – The only other water-based lube on this list is our second place product: Sliquid’s Sassy lube. Nicknamed the booty gel by the Wanda’s staff, this lube is long-lasting and totally safe. This lube gets second place because it is glycerin and paraben free like our SUTIL friend but is not Canadian-made. The booty gel is great for a water-based anal lube because it has a thick consistency and gets the job done. It is tasteless, scentless and entirely vegan. I like this one a little less than the SUTILbecause of a difference in consistency and the less eco-friendly nature of the highly-produced Sliquid brand. For a 4oz/120ml it is $14.99+ taxes. The 8.5 oz/255ml is $24.99+taxes.

sliquid-silver#3 – Next on the list is Sliquid’s Silver lube. This is a purely silicone-based lube and it has everything one could want with a thick, silicone lube. It is smooth and simple. Sliquid is a great brand because all of their products are glycerin and paraben free, including being vegan and always consistent. This particular one is hypoallergenic, scent-free and waterproof. It can be used as an anal or vaginal lube and for sensual massage because it lasts so long. That said, it is silicone so you cannot use it with silicone toys and sometimes silicone lube stains sheets. Another one of those lubes that gets the job done for an affordable price. For 4.2oz/ 125ml it is $16.99+ taxes and for 8.5oz/ 255ml it is $29.99+taxes. You’ll notice with silicone lubes they almost always cost more because the lube itself is more expensive to make.

Gun Oil#4 – Gun Oil is our fourth place anal product but by no means is it lacking in fantastic performance capabilities. Gun Oil is another silicone lubricant that is extremely popular when we feature it in the store. It is simple and doesn’t weigh heavy on the skin or seem to coat the skin undesirably but it does lubricate really well. Like mentioned before, you do not want to use silicone toys with this one but it is popular for those coming in with a lot of experience with anal play. It doesn’t beat out theSliquid silicone lube because it does have chemicals and doesn’t guarantee being free of parabens or glycerin.

boybutter#5 – The last lube on this top 5 list is unique in ingredients and consistency. Boy Butter is the only partially oil-based lube you can find at Wicked Wanda’s but it uses oil in its ingredients for a reason. A hybrid of oil and silicone, this lube lasts a very long time and washes out of cloth and off of skin. While we do not recommend using condoms at all with this lubricant because it can immediately compromise the condoms integrity, it is a great lube for anal. There is the option of getting Boy Butter without the oil yet it doesn’t necessarily last as long. This lube is great for anal sex with wiggly bits and no condoms but due to the restrictions on usage, it gets 5th place.

Lube is absolutely necessary when experimenting with anal, either with toys or anal sex with fleshy bits. While it helps keep you safe from causing unwanted damage, it also makes it way more pleasurable for all involved. Even when experimenting solo, I found lube was fundamental for a good experience. Even using my own self-made lubrication was not enough for the long haul. You may also like to check out lubricant inserters for less mess and lube exactly where you want it. They look like fun little swords but they are great, especially for deep anal play with longer toys or with a penis. You can find all of these products at Wicked Wanda’s today.

Yours,

Lilith

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WeVibe Touch- Reviewed

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

Power, precision and a pretty toy are exactly what you are in for when trying out WeVibe’s Touch. This little purple vibrator is top of the line quality because of its classy size and shape, quietness and wiggly bit’s approved power. WeVibe is a Ottawa founded company that has gain world renown for their couple’s toy but for solo play they also bring high quality finesse to their rechargeable beasts.

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My first impressions were largely based off of the name brand itself. Through my experience as a sexstore employee the age-old saying that “you get what you pay for” is glaringly true. While there are many good vibrators out there that are cheaper, the likelihood they will last and have the desired amount of power is a tossup. Once you get in the habit of buying a new vibrator every 6 months to a year, it gets expensive real fast with the cheap toys. Once I found out how much I enjoyed vibrations for clit play, the obvious choice was to upgrade as soon as possible to a toy that will last. A big part of long-lasting toys is also what kind of battery they take. Frankly, if your toy takes weird batteries or god-forbid watch batteries, throw and run away quickly. Watch batteries are the devil when it comes to sex toys and frankly the cost of batteries and the amount that they leak into your toys is not worth sticking to them. We usually recommend getting into the habit of taking out your batteries from vibrators between uses to help avoid battery leakage into your toy. Rechargeable is the way to go now with sex toys. That is why I like the Touch so much because it is USB rechargeable and thus never having to worry about batteries. You get about two hours of play from a single charge that takes about 90 minutes to fill up full and the toy flashes an orange light when the battery is low.

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I’m also a huge fan of silicone toys and especially high-grade silicone because it is silky-soft and cuts down on the noise of the toy. Toys like the Touch are also fantastic for cleaning because simply soap and water works well or toy cleaner if you already have some. Furthermore, the Touch is waterproof, and very enjoyable in the shower. Of course, silicone is great but what about power? This little guy is mind-blowing powerful. With 8 different speeds including pulsating, you can pick your favorites and what’s better is that whatever setting you turned it off on (presumably your favorite one) when you go to use it again, it is still on that setting. No clicking through to find your tried and true favorite. While the power levels can be soft to start the buildup, when you are ready for real vibration that rocks your socks off the Touch abides.

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xicon_TouchLowPower

xicon_waterproofxicon_rechargeable_0xicon_bodySafexicon_whisperQuiet

The shape of the Touch is also unique but incredibly smart as it curves to your hand whether for solo play or with a partner. It also isn’t too big to get in the way of enjoying other activities down-below. Furthermore, because of its great pointed end, the vibrations go directly onto the clit rather than all around. Having that focused power allows for longer play and more intense clit orgasms. This is why bullet vibrators are so popular because they are simple and straight to the point.

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Overall this toy is fantastic and I would recommend it for every womyn. At the cost of $99.99 + taxes, it is affordable for a rechargeable toy with a 1 year warranty and panty dropping power. While this toy is amazing for many reasons there are of course downsides like any toy. Largely my beef with this toy is about the way it charges. While rechargeable is amazing, it is not very common to see people recharging their toys on their computer desk and that is what you have to do unless you have an adaptor. Touch is USB rechargeable but does not come with a wall plug adaptor. That said, it is very easy to get an adaptor at the dollar store. I actually use my Iphone charging adaptor so the problem is fairly easily solved. My only other criticism of this toy is that the charging prongs that are magnetized to attach to the toy is not very strong so it is easy for the cord to be knocked off and the charging to stop. Definitely want to keep it out-of-the-way as it charges to make sure the cord stays in place.

Otherwise, this toy is absolutely amazing and I would recommend it for anyone who enjoys clit vibrations. This is not a penetrative toy because of its shape and small size. Try this toy out today, come by Wicked Wanda’s to talk to our knowledgeable staff and to see if the Touch can be your new best friend.

Lilith

To see more check out WeVibe™ Touch Video

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The Booty Blog .2 Diagrams and Wiggly Bits

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

As a fairly inexperienced anal explorer, my first step was research. This might be because of my well-earned nerd status, but as I’ve heard horror stories, like I’m sure many have, I thought it would be better to consult the experts. The most important and practical thing I learned was to study the anatomy and to not let yourself be grossed out by it. We all vaguely remember being in elementary or high-school staring at what was supposedly diagrams of our innards and wiggly bits. Even now it is hard not to giggle just a little at the strange and wonderful machine that is our body.

female anatomy

Female Anatomy

male anatomy

Male Anatomy

Yet when it comes to anal play, anatomy becomes fundamental, if not “avoiding the hospital” important. Male and female anatomy share many things in common, arguably we are far more alike then medicine has lead us to believe over the years and our nether regions are no different. Both genders have external sphincters, PC muscles, internal sphincters, rectums and colons; which makes up what most would call the butthole and/or anus. Check out the diagrams below. Men have the added bonus of having their prostate gland (or male G-spot) very close to their rectal canal and thus anal can be especially intense and pleasurable for men.

When inserting a lubricated finger into your bum, you’ll notice two rings of muscles that you have to let adjust to your finger and which bring you further in. These are the external and internal sphincters. They are fantastic mechanisms that can work together and separately to achieve different things. I discovered through exploration of my own and research, that there are a ton of nerve-endings which is what makes touch by fingers, tongue or toys so pleasurable for some. Yet those nerve-endings reside really only in the first portions of the bumhole. This discovery was super interesting for me because it helped me to understand what I wanted.

Do I want a lot of sensations in an area that is sensitive? Great, stick to the first few inches in.

Do I want a feeling of fullness and pleasure from pressure? Look into longer toys or anal sex with a penis.

One of the main concerns I have heard from folks over the years and which I have my own concerns about as well, is the dreaded feces. Very few people want to encounter poop while having sexy times and frankly, while enjoying anal, shit happens. Yet the likelihood of it happening is much lower than most are aware of. Especially in the first few inches of your butt, you are not likely to find any feces bits at all. I’ve noticed that it is still a small battle with myself to not be weirded out by the possibility, yet knowing more about that area has helped in this regard. Once you start experimenting with bigger toys or a penis and you get closer to the colon; that is when you may encounter some poop.

Tip: During a shower or bath before sexy times, take a finger and explore your bum. You will get to know your butt better and you can help clean out any bits that might be hanging out in the first few inches. For those going deeper or that are very concerned about encountering poop, you can try douching or what is also known as enemas (click here for more on douching). The number-one thing about douching/enemas is that you use a kit and that you use lukewarm water with no chemicals in it (including the chemicals you can find in enema kits). You also do not want to do it often, maybe once a week max because you do not want to upset your bacterial balance and make your colon dependent on external factors to function properly.

Frankly, if you encounter some poop, laugh about it and clean up. Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect and that’s okay. What isn’t okay is when we shame ourselves and our bodies for what happens naturally. I found that during my own exploration, I got more and more comfortable with the fact that I was playing with my butthole and that shit happens. I try to keep a Kleenex box nearby for quick cleanup and a robe close at hand so I can travel to the washroom quickly to wash my hands without getting spotted by my roommate.

Lastly on the point of anatomy:

Yes, stuff can get sucked up and disappear into your butt. A scary reality if you’ve watched any ER orGray’s Anatomy episodes but it is true. This is because objects can go all the way up into the colon and further. Unlike the vagina which has a cervix to stop objects from going further up, the rectum doesn’t have a stopgap. That’s why dildos and butt plugs are two different shapes. Things going in your butt have to have a flared base or be attached to a person (penis or strap-on) so that it doesn’t do the Houdini. That’s why people can take footballs or fists up in there because the bumhole can accommodate many different shapes and sizes.

When experimenting with just my fingers I found that lube was absolutely necessary and should be spread on the finger and on the hole itself for an easier time and a more sensual experience. Interestingly, I found that when I pushed out slightly that the opening opened further and also welcomed in what I was attempting. While I found that I did not get a lot of sexual stimulation from the small insertion; combined with a small vibrator on the clitoris made for a rather explosive orgasm. I am excited to try a vibrating butt-plug because my vibrator running a little bit south felt surprisingly good. Trying with a finger in the bath or shower was also a nice experience and doubled as a little bit of extra cleaning.
Yours,Now that I’ve done my research, time for some play and to see what toys and lube are best for the job.

Lilith

Remember you can anonymously submit your stories and questions at bootyblog@wickedwandas.ca to get your questions answered and to share your experiences with our Wicked readers!

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The Booty Blog- 1. The Tentative Plunge

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

I suppose if I think back to my first experience with anal it was a painful and accidental incident which may have set the tone for much of my future exploration of the backdoor possibilities. Essentially, his penis slipped and entered the wrong door. Not a terribly uncommon happening for women out there that enjoy being vaginally penetrated, but it sure was quite a surprise for me at the time. Yet, as a very sex-positive person who enjoys experimenting by nature, I was and am always willing to try something new and anal always seemed to come back up with partners down the road. While in my head I never considered anal gross or dirty, I had to battle with some kind of learned negative reaction to it. Questions like: what if we encounter… poop. Now that is gross right? Wouldn’t that kill the mood? I know this comes from a much ingrained cultural body-shaming machine which says that the backdoor is in some way unnatural. Yet natural and unnatural are complete fabrications of our human mind. anal sexIf you believe in God, how can you say that one body part was meant for one thing when you don’t know the ultimate plan? Or if you are more comfortable with science, are we not creatures that adapt to our environment, wants and needs. We made oral sex work for us, why not anal? Do you know how many germs are in the human mouth? I certainly saw anal once I discovered my dad’s porn stash as a kid, and it appeared to my young eyes that there wasn’t anything wrong with it as obviously there were women and men out there that enjoyed it and didn’t die immediately of disease or shame. Yet there has always been a barrier for me in truly giving my arsehole some attention and I think part of that is this insistent cultural nagging voice in the back of my head saying that something bad will happen. It is certainly true that anal takes time and can be difficult to enjoy, some never do. As I adventure as a sex store cleric I encounter countless people that seem wonderfully brave, because they are not afraid of their bodies and the functions which it does normally. They enjoy pleasure and laugh off the accidents that happen and they reject societal concerns over the dirty-hole. I want to be like that too and by recording my exploration of anal for Wicked Wanda’s readers; I hope to make myself more comfortable with my own body in all of its kooks and crannies.

This series of blog posts will explore my personal journey through the wonderful land of anal, as I experiment and find ways that it works for me, and maybe you’ll find ways it works for you or think of some new ways to breach the other gates. I am a cis-gendered woman and work in a sex store, so some of my experiences may not reflect what you or others have done or felt in your own exploration. This is why I will be welcoming guest writers to share their own anal adventures for your reading pleasure. Share your anal stories and your anal questions and they will be anonymously featured and answered on the Wicked Wanda’s website and the Booty Blog. Email bootyblog@wickedwandas.ca to submit questions and stories.analsex

Sex should be fun and we can have fun by experimenting in a sex-positive environment which breeds education and further understanding. Our bunghole is just one access- point, where we can achieve a higher level of sex-positivity and maybe have some mind-blowing orgasms at the same time.

Yours,

Lilith


Terms:

Cis-gendered- When the wiggly bits I was born with and society identified as male or female, matches the gender identity (masculine or feminine) that I feel most embodies who I am.

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Sutil Lube by Hathor- Reviewed

This review was originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

There is a small but strong cultural idea that if one needs lube during sex, then someone (often the woman) is doing it wrong. Of course that is only from the heterosexual perspective but even as I work in a sex store, I still encounter people who think lube is only for when you need help. Yet, on the flipside, we sell lube like it is going out of fashion. What have some people discovered that others have not? Well I’m not one of those people who believe lube is only for those who need it, but I don’t often use it. Through my time as a sex store cleric, you grow to know the different lubricants, their purposes; texture, smell and you tend to find one that you love the most. For me that is the SUTIL Lube by Hathor.

“Hathor is the feminine principal of health, beauty, sensuality, love… eroticism. It is all the same to us. We believe that sex plays an important role in health and well-being. The Products that you purchase for sex should be as natural and healing as your facial products… and having aphrodisiacs in your facial products can only enhance your day!”

Melta Swift

I can’t rant and rave enough about this lubricant because it hits me in all the good places: pleasurable, long-lasting, eco-friendly and Canadian. The Hathor brand was created in 1989 by Melta Swift and Nathanda Swift in Vancouver; they had specialized in plant aphrodisiacs in spa treatment products and then moved to the erotic industry with their Hathor lubricants. All of their product-line is chemical, paraben, glycerin free with botanical eco-certified ingredients. You ask what does eco-certified mean?

The Eco-cert standard

“The use of ingredients derived from renewable resources, manufactured by environmentally friendly processes.” Eco-cert therefore checks: The absence of GMO, parabens, phenoxyethanol, nanoparticles, silicon, PEG, synthetic perfumes and dyes, animal-derived ingredients (unless naturally produced by them: milk, honey, etc.) and the biodegradable or recyclable nature of packaging.”

Finding an eco-friendly and Canadian brand of lube is amazing and it helps that the lube itself is absolutely fantastic. SUTIL (pronounced subtle) is the newest of their products to come out and what makes it distinct is that it feels like silicone but is water-based. When shopping for lube, generally I recommend going with water-based because it is totally safe with toys and doesn’t stain like silicone can. That said many people find that water-based runs dry fairly quickly which can be a pain. Those looking for long-last lubricants (especially for anal) tend to go towards silicone-based lubes because they are thicker and generally longer-lasting. Yet, a lot of the good toys we get today are made with silicone, and silicone toys and lube do not play nice with each other, or more accurately, they place too nice and start to melt into each other. Like I’ve said before, a cute metaphor but bad for your toys and pocketbook. That is why I like SUTIL so much because it is totally safe with all toys and it is actually thick like advertised.

An application that I hadn’t thought of but discovered with the SUTIL lube was the pleasure of waiting. While lube can be wonderful to get the party going with a bang, what it can also do is build-up to THE BANG. For some, friction is what makes masturbation or foreplay with a partner result in an orgasm. I discovered withSUTIL that you have to enjoy the smoothness of the lube and really get the engines roaring before you can start to feel real friction with a toy or whatnot. That means that when finally ready to orgasm it is bigger and better because it wasn’t rushed. You can also use SUTIL for sensual touching on erroneous zones and it is absolutely fantastic for anal play!

I don’t have a lot of criticisms for this product and the criticisms I do have are more from a customer with a small pocketbook then the actual product itself. This lube is expensive when looking at the other options for lube. It is $24.99 for a 4oz/ 120ml bottle and does not come readily available in other sizes. There is no small tester bottle you can take home. That said the price is fairly understandable when you consider that the product is Canadian made and eco-friendly with really finsutil 3e ingredients. When compared to other silicone-based lubes which range around $20.00 for the same amount, the price is pretty fair for the product received. Did I mention the bottle is 100% biodegradable?

I absolutely love this product for all kinds of sexual playing and with no real taste, there is nothing stopping you from enjoying all of your sexy times with SUTIL. This product makes my wiggly bits and my socially-conscious self very happy and I highly recommend everyone to try Hathor and specifically the SUTILlubricant.

Lilith

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Notes on Erotic Role-Play

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

“The element of play has an important role in my life, and I think that should be the case in the life of every artist. Our life is occupied with playing, whether we play an instrument or a role.” –Dietrich Fischer- Dieskau

Our popular culture as of late has been so thoroughly saturated with a certain kind of role-playing that it is hard to imagine any other kinds, or why anyone outside of hardcore kinksters would want to enjoy it… thanks a lot Fifty Shades. Yet the essential core of role-playing is not situated in the darkest, scariest dungeon for most, but is instead based upon a change in scenery or a change in the motions. Arguably, we has human beings are always playing roles, whether that be our gender or our professions, or perhaps as entertaining friend and supportive family member, these are all roles. Many believe these to be simply inherent in life and in a sense that is true, because we have established as a culture that that is how our social system works: you must have one gender, you must have one profession, and you must be one person at all times. Yet, these constraints on ourselves can be subverted and it is often through that subverting that we can find pleasure and sometimes find a place where we truly feel like ourselves.

There is immense power in being able to decide who and what you are. Whether for erotic purposes or not, role-playing is a wonderful exercise in the meaning and use of power. Some would understand power as inherently oppressive or problematic as the saying that power corrupts is common among our culture and popular in movie plotlines- power is simply the interaction between beings. This includes the power people have when they freely give their power to another or when that person accepts that power with respect and a humbling appreciating of that gift. You see this kind of loving exchange of power in fulfilling Dominant and Submissive relationships, where the submissive has a resounding amount of power because they have the ability to give it to their Dominant. Yet, the exchange of power within role-play goes beyond the dungeon and BDSM relationship; you can find it when people use the scenario of teacher/ students, employer/ employee, or doctor/ patient. While these kinds of dynamics can breed abuse and illegal activities in active life, within a safe and agreed upon circumstance the power dynamic can be heightened or completely changed for sexual arousal in a positive and fulfilling way.

betty

There are many types of role-playing, really too many to list, and often mainstream society feels uncomfortable with some of them because they may seem deviant or problematic if practiced in active life. This may include Priest/ Choirboy, Mommy/ Child or the feminization of men for example. What must be stressed here is that those who participate in role-playing for erotic purposes (and many people do), they do not necessarily want to practice those roles outside in their active life and in fact the reasons why some enjoy the schoolgirl look (for example) is complicated and does not mean that that individual wants to have sexual relations with an underage girl. Remember that power dynamics are always in play in our lives and during role-playing, power can be even more relevant as for example- an individual may feel less powerful around a person dressed like a schoolgirl because it reminds them of the dynamics in highschool and this arouses them.

For some, they explore role-playing because they want to spice up their sex life and this can be achieved in many different ways. A scene can be set by using only one piece of clothing or an entire outfit, perhaps one toy or an entire stage of props. For some, they enjoy role-playing by pretending they do not know a partner but instead meet them for the “first time” in a bar. Essentially what I am saying is that role-playing can be a wonderfully creative expression of love and sexuality and that there is no one formula for everyone to follow. What I do caution for those interested in role-play is that you do it in a relationship with a partner you trust. While this may seem limiting, it is because role-playing successfully requires a lot of communication between people and without trust and respect already established the power dynamics could turn problematic and abusive. Consent is so important and if things are not discussed beforehand then there is no consent, which is illegal. The element of surprise should be sacrificed in this sense. An option is to have an agreed upon signal such as a certain necklace or pair of socks which indicates that your partner is interested in enacting a previously agreed upon scene, and that the other partner has signaled in their own way through an agreed upon statement that they are also interested. Communication is absolutely necessary with role-playing.

So why not try spicing it up? With communication and some planning, your night could turn into a fantasy which is titillating and erotic in a safe and positive environment. Open up to your partner about fantasies you have and be open to theirs as well. Being supportive and non-judgmental leads to better relationships, sex and role-playing for all involved. Start with an outfit or prop and experiment from there. Above all, remember that sex is supposed to be fun and fantasies are just an extension of that.

So may your fantasies come true.

Lilith Out

Wicked Notes- on Exploration

Written by Lilith for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

“Sexuality is one of the ways that we become enlightened, actually, because it leads us to self-knowledge.” –Alice Walker

Just as children learn to walk and adults learn to function within our capitalist world, we as a species learn sexuality and how it relates to our selves and to those around us. Whether it be within the categories of gay, straight, queer or otherwise, sexuality is a huge part of today’s North American culture. We are obsessed with sexuality and sex because we have constructed it as fundamental to not only how we operation in our daily lives but who we are on a personal level. Essentially, sexuality has become a cornerstone of our identity. Yet while we enter into a spring that is as unpredictable as we can hope for in Ottawa, we reevaluate our lives and how we plan to live them during the warm summer months, including our sex lives. For some, the self-exploration and introspection of our sex lives is of regret and guilt at enjoying sexual interactions with those that make us question our judgement. Yet for others, it is about regret for not grasping onto the opportunities, figuratively and perhaps literally- taking the bull by the horns. Our sex lives are constantly under scrutiny and policing by society, our peers and by ourselves. Just as one refuses to wear that winter coat anymore- regardless that it is still a little cold for the spring jacket- one should refuse to not have a sex live truly fulfilling.

For Wicked Wanda’s, May is characterized by exploration, fantasies and experimentation in hopes of finding new, guilt-free ways of enjoying one’s sexuality and re-connecting with one’s body, and mind on a deeply personal and sensual level. Whether your exploration includes a co-captain, a crew or simply just yourself, reclaim your sexuality as a positive force in your life and in your identity. Many people see a distinction between being Vanilla and being Kinky, and furthermore juxtapose those sexual categories on the personality. If those categories speak to you or they don’t- being either or both or neither, it doesn’t matter. Whatever way you can enjoy your sexuality in a positive and supportive environment is what matters. So go ahead and try some toys in the bedroom, maybe some bondage or watch porn! Role play with a single outfit item or get together an entire scene. Explore different kinds of orgasms or focus on sexuality through sensual play. The month of May is all about you and how you want to enjoy your sexuality, and maybe if you let it, your fantasies will come true.

Come by Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium to check out all the ways to explore and experiment and with every purchase of $75 or more, you will receive 50 Shades of Great Sex DVD free.

May your Fantasies come True

See Wicked Wanda’s Here

Glass Dildos LoveStyle Reviewed

My first encounter with glass dildos was strangely violent and fascinating at the same time. My inaugural Sexapalooza, I was walking towards theLoveStyle booth chatting with my friends about my fascination with glass dildos but how ultimately my fear of horrific glass shards lacerating my bits stopped me from ever full exploring the option. The lady behind the table must have heard our discussion as we approached because without a word, she grabbed the nearest glass beauty and smashed it as hard as possible against the table in front of her. It was terrifying. Yet she proved her point with flare- there is no chance a vagina is going to break the dildo is the table or floor can’t.

Today I am reviewing the LoveStyle product-line of glass dildos and specifically the Lotus. This dildo is beautiful and efficient as the artistic form of the LoveStyle products and the utility makes my adult sexual vixen happily jumping in her panties. The very appearance of the dildos is what first caught my eye years ago at Sexapoolza, as they reminded me of the elegant water-pipes that one can find in certain herbal-friendly shops. An artisan touch which makes one think that maybe it could be displayed as an elegant paperweight on your desk without visitors screaming in fright or glee at the very sight of it. What can I say, I love pretty sex toys. Many of the different dildos have interesting artistic flares, such as coloured glass and designs featured within the glass itself. A sophisticated toy for the city-chick or trendy couple as the designs and shapes are graceful and engaging.

While looks are most definitely a selling point while shopping for your next favourite toy, the practicality of it is even more important to consider. What are the benefits of glass, you might ask? Firstly, it is easy to clean and maintain. You can simply use soap and water or toy-cleaner to keep your glass friend happy and healthy. Maintenance is practically non-existent as you do not have to worry about it hanging out with LoveStyle Glass Dildos and Dilettossilicone friends to often (silicone toys should be kept separate from each other because they can melt into each other- cute in metaphor but bad for your toys and budget). You also do not have to worry about battery decay or surface degradation because the glass will not wear-down, nor does it come with batteries. Lastly, you can use any lube you want with it – silicone or water-based play nicely with the glass. I love that it is so incredibly easy to clean and it is fully water-proof as well. Playing in the bath with them makes bath-time loads of fun for solo play or with a partner.

My absolute favourite part of owning a glass dildo is that you can heat them up or cool them down. Imagine if you will, the warm blanket feeling after pulling one right out of the dryer: now imagine that amazing feeling on your bits! Warming them up got me riled up so quickly that I wondered where those animal noises had come from. Don’t put your toy in the microwave or in a bowl of boiling water because you will have to wait to use it- no fun. I put my dildo in the washroom sink and turned the hot water on over it. I then brushed my teeth and my the time I was done, so was my friend- ready for sensual fun. Or you can cool it down in a bowl of ice or under cold water for a few minutes. While I wouldn’t recommend starting with a chilly dildo, after lots sensual fun where one is sweaty and over-sensitive- the cold can feel wonderful, just like playing with ice cubes. The great part about glass, is that it retains the heat or cold very well, so you have more time for temperature play then say an ice cube or warm towel. Alternatives for getting the hot and cold feeling is condoms or lubricant but I would give a word of caution with those products. Some work but always read the ingredients and see what chemical makes that sensation happen- some are alright for the body and some, like alcohol, are not good. Being able to get the hot/cold sensation free from chemicals is a huge bonus for me and I think a lot of women and partners out there will appreciate that too.

Lastly, there are negatives to this product, but I would more describe them as “six in one, half dozen in the other” points. The glass is very hard, there is no soft texture like the silicone which can simulate skin for the glass dildos. This can make the adjustment for penetration difficult at times or it takes longer foreplay to insert the toy. This also means that you feel everything, the dildo does not absorb any of your vibrations but instead one feels all of the curves and pulses that your own body and the toy provides. Another positive/negative is that the toys are fairly heavy. This means that using the toy can be tiresome after a long while of use both with partners or solo play. I appreciate the weight of it because you can use the weight to your advantage to gain greater depth of penetration and I’ve always enjoyed how weight can often be an indicator of quality- like stone pendants and other artistic items. My third point is the price. These toys are expensive with prices ranging from $110 to $200 and considering you can get rubber dildos for $10, it seems like a lot of money. Likewise, you can find glass dildos online for $40. Often times however when it comes to sextons – you get what you pay for. I would not trust $40 glass dildos near my partner’s or my genitalia and when you go to those company’s websites, you’ll see the sketchy nature of cheap products. With theLoveStyle products, you get quality no matter what. A toy which lasts you lifetimes and you know without a doubt of the authenticity of the product is worth the extra money.

The Lotus which I personally use is $114.99 in the store and you can find other great glass dildos which can be used for vaginal, anal and sensation play. The Lotus, like all of the dildos, can be used on both ends for all kinds of play and I would strongly recommend that you come into the shop today to check out these great products.

Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

Dare to be Bare Shaving Cream- Reviewe

Ottawa has many socially conscious, and animal friendly people craving products which reflect their ideals yet actually work and are affordable. Recently, I tried Earthly Body’s Dare to be Bare shaving creams and I was astounded by the value found in such a small bottle. A cruelty-free, vegan natural shaving cream, Dare to Be Bare is a wonderfully scented product that tickles my ethical fancy. The two products one can find at the Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium are the Dare to Be Bare: Original and their other scent: Dare to Be Bare: Skinny Dip. This shaving cream is specially engineered to take care of those intimate places which often suffer from harsh irritation after the razor cleans her up. Enriched with hemp and argan oils, this product stimulates the hair for better shaving, softens and moisturizes the hair and skin while helping to reduce rashes and skin bumps which makes our lady bits unhappy.

dare to be bare product shotThe Original is perfumed wonderfully with a strong scent of gardenias which entices and excites while the Skinny Dip fills the nose with a kind of spiced shea butter aroma. Counter to many of the other shaving creams on the market today, Dare to be Bare is actually cream-based and no foam, meaning that the proclamation of moisture protection is actually true. Furthermore, being petroleum and paraben free, your skin will like it just as much as your senses do. You also do not need use a lot of the product because it spreads so easily.

If I were to critique this product, I would note that the cream comes off in small lumps in the tub which eventually dissolves, but it is not great for erotic bath times. I would also note that the Original is very perfumed which may bother individuals if they are sensitive. For myself, I gravitated towards the Skinny Dipproduct because it was not as highly scented but I smelt more earth tones which are exactly what I look for in a real natural product. Lastly, this product advertises that it is unisex and can be used anywhere on the body. Due to the scents of both products, I don’t believe men would be interested in most cases, but to each their own. I do believe however, that it can be used anywhere on the body: legs, armpits, arms, and general fun bits are very happy to receive like extra pampering during their regular grooming rituals.

LILITH Out!