sex

I Destroy my Clit… So Why so Gentle with Oral? NSFW

Originally published on August 11, 2016 • Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

By: Lilith

I suddenly yelled in exasperation: “do you even know how I destroy my clit?” This incredibly inappropriate yet hilarious outburst was during a conversation with a fellow female co-worker centered on unsatisfying oral by partners in the past. While I cannot speak for all women, nor should I, I can honestly say that I’ve encountered many women who hate how gentle and tentative bedfellows can be when giving oral. This being the complete opposite of how we women have treated our own clits, vulvas and vaginas.

Not to be crude but I have absolutely obliterated my clit while seeking just one more orgasm… Maybe two more. I know how tough my beaver is and the kind of beating it can take because I’ve been meaner to her then any person has gotten close to being. This is not to say that I don’t love my clit and treat her nicely, but on occasion, that bitch needs to be destroyed.

It may seem strange to have a woman talking about her “secret garden” like this but honestly why is it so strange? Knowing our bodies enough to know that it will recover from some tender abuse (consensually) and that I like it, is incredibly empowering because I set my own pace and it is entirely for my own pleasure. We seem obsessed with the frailty of not just the female gender but the soft, tenderness of the genitalia which marks us female according to medical science. When ignorant people say “don’t be a pussy,” they obviously have never thought of what kind of badass beating pussies can take and how amazingly tough those pink lips and love canal really can be. The saying should be: “be tough like a pussy”.

Whether the destruction is due to good old-fashion fingers, new toy exploration or the classic destroyer the Hitachi Magic Wand, needless to say, you don’t have to be gentle when confronted with my “rosebud”. During my time working in a sex store, I have encountered many women who share the same sentiment about the frustrating sweet tenderness of tongue flicks. Note: if you lick ice-cream with more intensity and pressure then you do a woman, re-evaluate.

This is of course not to say that you can never be gentle, in fact it is often best to start gentle and work on everywhere but the clit to begin with. Yet when it comes time to show off your tornado tongue, please for the love of God, make use of the amazing muscles featured in the mouth. They are strong for a reason!

Communicate with your lady friend next time you plan on chowing down on some muff, ask if she likes it rougher. Listen to her when you’re munching for the cues on where to hit and even where not to go. This can be said for men as well! I’ve been told by many men that they like a little rough pressure as they also have gone full ham on themselves, on many occasions.

I cannot express this enough that every person is different and communication between partners is important to making sure everyone has an enjoyable and safe time. Don’t be afraid to suck, lick, even graze with your teeth your partner’s wiggly bits because we have done so much worse to ourselves at one point or another!

So next time you are ready to enjoy some lady taco, keep in mind that the kind of mean things you’ve done to your own meat package is actually fairly common and getting rough sometimes goes a long way towards groundbreaking orgasms rather than BoringVille.

Note: This blog is focused on the experiences of cis-women. Trans men and women have very different experiences in regards to sexuality, and how to appropriately perform certain sexual acts pre or post surgery. I am not writing about trans folks because it would be flat-out wrong to speak for them, that privilege is theirs alone.
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WeVibe Touch- Reviewed

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

Power, precision and a pretty toy are exactly what you are in for when trying out WeVibe’s Touch. This little purple vibrator is top of the line quality because of its classy size and shape, quietness and wiggly bit’s approved power. WeVibe is a Ottawa founded company that has gain world renown for their couple’s toy but for solo play they also bring high quality finesse to their rechargeable beasts.

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My first impressions were largely based off of the name brand itself. Through my experience as a sexstore employee the age-old saying that “you get what you pay for” is glaringly true. While there are many good vibrators out there that are cheaper, the likelihood they will last and have the desired amount of power is a tossup. Once you get in the habit of buying a new vibrator every 6 months to a year, it gets expensive real fast with the cheap toys. Once I found out how much I enjoyed vibrations for clit play, the obvious choice was to upgrade as soon as possible to a toy that will last. A big part of long-lasting toys is also what kind of battery they take. Frankly, if your toy takes weird batteries or god-forbid watch batteries, throw and run away quickly. Watch batteries are the devil when it comes to sex toys and frankly the cost of batteries and the amount that they leak into your toys is not worth sticking to them. We usually recommend getting into the habit of taking out your batteries from vibrators between uses to help avoid battery leakage into your toy. Rechargeable is the way to go now with sex toys. That is why I like the Touch so much because it is USB rechargeable and thus never having to worry about batteries. You get about two hours of play from a single charge that takes about 90 minutes to fill up full and the toy flashes an orange light when the battery is low.

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I’m also a huge fan of silicone toys and especially high-grade silicone because it is silky-soft and cuts down on the noise of the toy. Toys like the Touch are also fantastic for cleaning because simply soap and water works well or toy cleaner if you already have some. Furthermore, the Touch is waterproof, and very enjoyable in the shower. Of course, silicone is great but what about power? This little guy is mind-blowing powerful. With 8 different speeds including pulsating, you can pick your favorites and what’s better is that whatever setting you turned it off on (presumably your favorite one) when you go to use it again, it is still on that setting. No clicking through to find your tried and true favorite. While the power levels can be soft to start the buildup, when you are ready for real vibration that rocks your socks off the Touch abides.

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xicon_TouchLowPower

xicon_waterproofxicon_rechargeable_0xicon_bodySafexicon_whisperQuiet

The shape of the Touch is also unique but incredibly smart as it curves to your hand whether for solo play or with a partner. It also isn’t too big to get in the way of enjoying other activities down-below. Furthermore, because of its great pointed end, the vibrations go directly onto the clit rather than all around. Having that focused power allows for longer play and more intense clit orgasms. This is why bullet vibrators are so popular because they are simple and straight to the point.

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Overall this toy is fantastic and I would recommend it for every womyn. At the cost of $99.99 + taxes, it is affordable for a rechargeable toy with a 1 year warranty and panty dropping power. While this toy is amazing for many reasons there are of course downsides like any toy. Largely my beef with this toy is about the way it charges. While rechargeable is amazing, it is not very common to see people recharging their toys on their computer desk and that is what you have to do unless you have an adaptor. Touch is USB rechargeable but does not come with a wall plug adaptor. That said, it is very easy to get an adaptor at the dollar store. I actually use my Iphone charging adaptor so the problem is fairly easily solved. My only other criticism of this toy is that the charging prongs that are magnetized to attach to the toy is not very strong so it is easy for the cord to be knocked off and the charging to stop. Definitely want to keep it out-of-the-way as it charges to make sure the cord stays in place.

Otherwise, this toy is absolutely amazing and I would recommend it for anyone who enjoys clit vibrations. This is not a penetrative toy because of its shape and small size. Try this toy out today, come by Wicked Wanda’s to talk to our knowledgeable staff and to see if the Touch can be your new best friend.

Lilith

To see more check out WeVibe™ Touch Video

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The Booty Blog .2 Diagrams and Wiggly Bits

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

As a fairly inexperienced anal explorer, my first step was research. This might be because of my well-earned nerd status, but as I’ve heard horror stories, like I’m sure many have, I thought it would be better to consult the experts. The most important and practical thing I learned was to study the anatomy and to not let yourself be grossed out by it. We all vaguely remember being in elementary or high-school staring at what was supposedly diagrams of our innards and wiggly bits. Even now it is hard not to giggle just a little at the strange and wonderful machine that is our body.

female anatomy

Female Anatomy

male anatomy

Male Anatomy

Yet when it comes to anal play, anatomy becomes fundamental, if not “avoiding the hospital” important. Male and female anatomy share many things in common, arguably we are far more alike then medicine has lead us to believe over the years and our nether regions are no different. Both genders have external sphincters, PC muscles, internal sphincters, rectums and colons; which makes up what most would call the butthole and/or anus. Check out the diagrams below. Men have the added bonus of having their prostate gland (or male G-spot) very close to their rectal canal and thus anal can be especially intense and pleasurable for men.

When inserting a lubricated finger into your bum, you’ll notice two rings of muscles that you have to let adjust to your finger and which bring you further in. These are the external and internal sphincters. They are fantastic mechanisms that can work together and separately to achieve different things. I discovered through exploration of my own and research, that there are a ton of nerve-endings which is what makes touch by fingers, tongue or toys so pleasurable for some. Yet those nerve-endings reside really only in the first portions of the bumhole. This discovery was super interesting for me because it helped me to understand what I wanted.

Do I want a lot of sensations in an area that is sensitive? Great, stick to the first few inches in.

Do I want a feeling of fullness and pleasure from pressure? Look into longer toys or anal sex with a penis.

One of the main concerns I have heard from folks over the years and which I have my own concerns about as well, is the dreaded feces. Very few people want to encounter poop while having sexy times and frankly, while enjoying anal, shit happens. Yet the likelihood of it happening is much lower than most are aware of. Especially in the first few inches of your butt, you are not likely to find any feces bits at all. I’ve noticed that it is still a small battle with myself to not be weirded out by the possibility, yet knowing more about that area has helped in this regard. Once you start experimenting with bigger toys or a penis and you get closer to the colon; that is when you may encounter some poop.

Tip: During a shower or bath before sexy times, take a finger and explore your bum. You will get to know your butt better and you can help clean out any bits that might be hanging out in the first few inches. For those going deeper or that are very concerned about encountering poop, you can try douching or what is also known as enemas (click here for more on douching). The number-one thing about douching/enemas is that you use a kit and that you use lukewarm water with no chemicals in it (including the chemicals you can find in enema kits). You also do not want to do it often, maybe once a week max because you do not want to upset your bacterial balance and make your colon dependent on external factors to function properly.

Frankly, if you encounter some poop, laugh about it and clean up. Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect and that’s okay. What isn’t okay is when we shame ourselves and our bodies for what happens naturally. I found that during my own exploration, I got more and more comfortable with the fact that I was playing with my butthole and that shit happens. I try to keep a Kleenex box nearby for quick cleanup and a robe close at hand so I can travel to the washroom quickly to wash my hands without getting spotted by my roommate.

Lastly on the point of anatomy:

Yes, stuff can get sucked up and disappear into your butt. A scary reality if you’ve watched any ER orGray’s Anatomy episodes but it is true. This is because objects can go all the way up into the colon and further. Unlike the vagina which has a cervix to stop objects from going further up, the rectum doesn’t have a stopgap. That’s why dildos and butt plugs are two different shapes. Things going in your butt have to have a flared base or be attached to a person (penis or strap-on) so that it doesn’t do the Houdini. That’s why people can take footballs or fists up in there because the bumhole can accommodate many different shapes and sizes.

When experimenting with just my fingers I found that lube was absolutely necessary and should be spread on the finger and on the hole itself for an easier time and a more sensual experience. Interestingly, I found that when I pushed out slightly that the opening opened further and also welcomed in what I was attempting. While I found that I did not get a lot of sexual stimulation from the small insertion; combined with a small vibrator on the clitoris made for a rather explosive orgasm. I am excited to try a vibrating butt-plug because my vibrator running a little bit south felt surprisingly good. Trying with a finger in the bath or shower was also a nice experience and doubled as a little bit of extra cleaning.
Yours,Now that I’ve done my research, time for some play and to see what toys and lube are best for the job.

Lilith

Remember you can anonymously submit your stories and questions at bootyblog@wickedwandas.ca to get your questions answered and to share your experiences with our Wicked readers!

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The Booty Blog- 1. The Tentative Plunge

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

I suppose if I think back to my first experience with anal it was a painful and accidental incident which may have set the tone for much of my future exploration of the backdoor possibilities. Essentially, his penis slipped and entered the wrong door. Not a terribly uncommon happening for women out there that enjoy being vaginally penetrated, but it sure was quite a surprise for me at the time. Yet, as a very sex-positive person who enjoys experimenting by nature, I was and am always willing to try something new and anal always seemed to come back up with partners down the road. While in my head I never considered anal gross or dirty, I had to battle with some kind of learned negative reaction to it. Questions like: what if we encounter… poop. Now that is gross right? Wouldn’t that kill the mood? I know this comes from a much ingrained cultural body-shaming machine which says that the backdoor is in some way unnatural. Yet natural and unnatural are complete fabrications of our human mind. anal sexIf you believe in God, how can you say that one body part was meant for one thing when you don’t know the ultimate plan? Or if you are more comfortable with science, are we not creatures that adapt to our environment, wants and needs. We made oral sex work for us, why not anal? Do you know how many germs are in the human mouth? I certainly saw anal once I discovered my dad’s porn stash as a kid, and it appeared to my young eyes that there wasn’t anything wrong with it as obviously there were women and men out there that enjoyed it and didn’t die immediately of disease or shame. Yet there has always been a barrier for me in truly giving my arsehole some attention and I think part of that is this insistent cultural nagging voice in the back of my head saying that something bad will happen. It is certainly true that anal takes time and can be difficult to enjoy, some never do. As I adventure as a sex store cleric I encounter countless people that seem wonderfully brave, because they are not afraid of their bodies and the functions which it does normally. They enjoy pleasure and laugh off the accidents that happen and they reject societal concerns over the dirty-hole. I want to be like that too and by recording my exploration of anal for Wicked Wanda’s readers; I hope to make myself more comfortable with my own body in all of its kooks and crannies.

This series of blog posts will explore my personal journey through the wonderful land of anal, as I experiment and find ways that it works for me, and maybe you’ll find ways it works for you or think of some new ways to breach the other gates. I am a cis-gendered woman and work in a sex store, so some of my experiences may not reflect what you or others have done or felt in your own exploration. This is why I will be welcoming guest writers to share their own anal adventures for your reading pleasure. Share your anal stories and your anal questions and they will be anonymously featured and answered on the Wicked Wanda’s website and the Booty Blog. Email bootyblog@wickedwandas.ca to submit questions and stories.analsex

Sex should be fun and we can have fun by experimenting in a sex-positive environment which breeds education and further understanding. Our bunghole is just one access- point, where we can achieve a higher level of sex-positivity and maybe have some mind-blowing orgasms at the same time.

Yours,

Lilith

Terms:

Cis-gendered- When the wiggly bits I was born with and society identified as male or female, matches the gender identity (masculine or feminine) that I feel most embodies who I am.

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Sutil Lube by Hathor- Reviewed

This review was originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

There is a small but strong cultural idea that if one needs lube during sex, then someone (often the woman) is doing it wrong. Of course that is only from the heterosexual perspective but even as I work in a sex store, I still encounter people who think lube is only for when you need help. Yet, on the flipside, we sell lube like it is going out of fashion. What have some people discovered that others have not? Well I’m not one of those people who believe lube is only for those who need it, but I don’t often use it. Through my time as a sex store cleric, you grow to know the different lubricants, their purposes; texture, smell and you tend to find one that you love the most. For me that is the SUTIL Lube by Hathor.

“Hathor is the feminine principal of health, beauty, sensuality, love… eroticism. It is all the same to us. We believe that sex plays an important role in health and well-being. The Products that you purchase for sex should be as natural and healing as your facial products… and having aphrodisiacs in your facial products can only enhance your day!”

Melta Swift

I can’t rant and rave enough about this lubricant because it hits me in all the good places: pleasurable, long-lasting, eco-friendly and Canadian. The Hathor brand was created in 1989 by Melta Swift and Nathanda Swift in Vancouver; they had specialized in plant aphrodisiacs in spa treatment products and then moved to the erotic industry with their Hathor lubricants. All of their product-line is chemical, paraben, glycerin free with botanical eco-certified ingredients. You ask what does eco-certified mean?

The Eco-cert standard

“The use of ingredients derived from renewable resources, manufactured by environmentally friendly processes.” Eco-cert therefore checks: The absence of GMO, parabens, phenoxyethanol, nanoparticles, silicon, PEG, synthetic perfumes and dyes, animal-derived ingredients (unless naturally produced by them: milk, honey, etc.) and the biodegradable or recyclable nature of packaging.”

Finding an eco-friendly and Canadian brand of lube is amazing and it helps that the lube itself is absolutely fantastic. SUTIL (pronounced subtle) is the newest of their products to come out and what makes it distinct is that it feels like silicone but is water-based. When shopping for lube, generally I recommend going with water-based because it is totally safe with toys and doesn’t stain like silicone can. That said many people find that water-based runs dry fairly quickly which can be a pain. Those looking for long-last lubricants (especially for anal) tend to go towards silicone-based lubes because they are thicker and generally longer-lasting. Yet, a lot of the good toys we get today are made with silicone, and silicone toys and lube do not play nice with each other, or more accurately, they place too nice and start to melt into each other. Like I’ve said before, a cute metaphor but bad for your toys and pocketbook. That is why I like SUTIL so much because it is totally safe with all toys and it is actually thick like advertised.

An application that I hadn’t thought of but discovered with the SUTIL lube was the pleasure of waiting. While lube can be wonderful to get the party going with a bang, what it can also do is build-up to THE BANG. For some, friction is what makes masturbation or foreplay with a partner result in an orgasm. I discovered withSUTIL that you have to enjoy the smoothness of the lube and really get the engines roaring before you can start to feel real friction with a toy or whatnot. That means that when finally ready to orgasm it is bigger and better because it wasn’t rushed. You can also use SUTIL for sensual touching on erroneous zones and it is absolutely fantastic for anal play!

I don’t have a lot of criticisms for this product and the criticisms I do have are more from a customer with a small pocketbook then the actual product itself. This lube is expensive when looking at the other options for lube. It is $24.99 for a 4oz/ 120ml bottle and does not come readily available in other sizes. There is no small tester bottle you can take home. That said the price is fairly understandable when you consider that the product is Canadian made and eco-friendly with really finsutil 3e ingredients. When compared to other silicone-based lubes which range around $20.00 for the same amount, the price is pretty fair for the product received. Did I mention the bottle is 100% biodegradable?

I absolutely love this product for all kinds of sexual playing and with no real taste, there is nothing stopping you from enjoying all of your sexy times with SUTIL. This product makes my wiggly bits and my socially-conscious self very happy and I highly recommend everyone to try Hathor and specifically the SUTILlubricant.

Lilith

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Notes on Erotic Role-Play

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

“The element of play has an important role in my life, and I think that should be the case in the life of every artist. Our life is occupied with playing, whether we play an instrument or a role.” –Dietrich Fischer- Dieskau

Our popular culture as of late has been so thoroughly saturated with a certain kind of role-playing that it is hard to imagine any other kinds, or why anyone outside of hardcore kinksters would want to enjoy it… thanks a lot Fifty Shades. Yet the essential core of role-playing is not situated in the darkest, scariest dungeon for most, but is instead based upon a change in scenery or a change in the motions. Arguably, we has human beings are always playing roles, whether that be our gender or our professions, or perhaps as entertaining friend and supportive family member, these are all roles. Many believe these to be simply inherent in life and in a sense that is true, because we have established as a culture that that is how our social system works: you must have one gender, you must have one profession, and you must be one person at all times. Yet, these constraints on ourselves can be subverted and it is often through that subverting that we can find pleasure and sometimes find a place where we truly feel like ourselves.

There is immense power in being able to decide who and what you are. Whether for erotic purposes or not, role-playing is a wonderful exercise in the meaning and use of power. Some would understand power as inherently oppressive or problematic as the saying that power corrupts is common among our culture and popular in movie plotlines- power is simply the interaction between beings. This includes the power people have when they freely give their power to another or when that person accepts that power with respect and a humbling appreciating of that gift. You see this kind of loving exchange of power in fulfilling Dominant and Submissive relationships, where the submissive has a resounding amount of power because they have the ability to give it to their Dominant. Yet, the exchange of power within role-play goes beyond the dungeon and BDSM relationship; you can find it when people use the scenario of teacher/ students, employer/ employee, or doctor/ patient. While these kinds of dynamics can breed abuse and illegal activities in active life, within a safe and agreed upon circumstance the power dynamic can be heightened or completely changed for sexual arousal in a positive and fulfilling way.

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There are many types of role-playing, really too many to list, and often mainstream society feels uncomfortable with some of them because they may seem deviant or problematic if practiced in active life. This may include Priest/ Choirboy, Mommy/ Child or the feminization of men for example. What must be stressed here is that those who participate in role-playing for erotic purposes (and many people do), they do not necessarily want to practice those roles outside in their active life and in fact the reasons why some enjoy the schoolgirl look (for example) is complicated and does not mean that that individual wants to have sexual relations with an underage girl. Remember that power dynamics are always in play in our lives and during role-playing, power can be even more relevant as for example- an individual may feel less powerful around a person dressed like a schoolgirl because it reminds them of the dynamics in highschool and this arouses them.

For some, they explore role-playing because they want to spice up their sex life and this can be achieved in many different ways. A scene can be set by using only one piece of clothing or an entire outfit, perhaps one toy or an entire stage of props. For some, they enjoy role-playing by pretending they do not know a partner but instead meet them for the “first time” in a bar. Essentially what I am saying is that role-playing can be a wonderfully creative expression of love and sexuality and that there is no one formula for everyone to follow. What I do caution for those interested in role-play is that you do it in a relationship with a partner you trust. While this may seem limiting, it is because role-playing successfully requires a lot of communication between people and without trust and respect already established the power dynamics could turn problematic and abusive. Consent is so important and if things are not discussed beforehand then there is no consent, which is illegal. The element of surprise should be sacrificed in this sense. An option is to have an agreed upon signal such as a certain necklace or pair of socks which indicates that your partner is interested in enacting a previously agreed upon scene, and that the other partner has signaled in their own way through an agreed upon statement that they are also interested. Communication is absolutely necessary with role-playing.

So why not try spicing it up? With communication and some planning, your night could turn into a fantasy which is titillating and erotic in a safe and positive environment. Open up to your partner about fantasies you have and be open to theirs as well. Being supportive and non-judgmental leads to better relationships, sex and role-playing for all involved. Start with an outfit or prop and experiment from there. Above all, remember that sex is supposed to be fun and fantasies are just an extension of that.

So may your fantasies come true.

Lilith Out

Wicked Notes- on Exploration

Written by Lilith for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

“Sexuality is one of the ways that we become enlightened, actually, because it leads us to self-knowledge.” –Alice Walker

Just as children learn to walk and adults learn to function within our capitalist world, we as a species learn sexuality and how it relates to our selves and to those around us. Whether it be within the categories of gay, straight, queer or otherwise, sexuality is a huge part of today’s North American culture. We are obsessed with sexuality and sex because we have constructed it as fundamental to not only how we operation in our daily lives but who we are on a personal level. Essentially, sexuality has become a cornerstone of our identity. Yet while we enter into a spring that is as unpredictable as we can hope for in Ottawa, we reevaluate our lives and how we plan to live them during the warm summer months, including our sex lives. For some, the self-exploration and introspection of our sex lives is of regret and guilt at enjoying sexual interactions with those that make us question our judgement. Yet for others, it is about regret for not grasping onto the opportunities, figuratively and perhaps literally- taking the bull by the horns. Our sex lives are constantly under scrutiny and policing by society, our peers and by ourselves. Just as one refuses to wear that winter coat anymore- regardless that it is still a little cold for the spring jacket- one should refuse to not have a sex live truly fulfilling.

For Wicked Wanda’s, May is characterized by exploration, fantasies and experimentation in hopes of finding new, guilt-free ways of enjoying one’s sexuality and re-connecting with one’s body, and mind on a deeply personal and sensual level. Whether your exploration includes a co-captain, a crew or simply just yourself, reclaim your sexuality as a positive force in your life and in your identity. Many people see a distinction between being Vanilla and being Kinky, and furthermore juxtapose those sexual categories on the personality. If those categories speak to you or they don’t- being either or both or neither, it doesn’t matter. Whatever way you can enjoy your sexuality in a positive and supportive environment is what matters. So go ahead and try some toys in the bedroom, maybe some bondage or watch porn! Role play with a single outfit item or get together an entire scene. Explore different kinds of orgasms or focus on sexuality through sensual play. The month of May is all about you and how you want to enjoy your sexuality, and maybe if you let it, your fantasies will come true.

Come by Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium to check out all the ways to explore and experiment and with every purchase of $75 or more, you will receive 50 Shades of Great Sex DVD free.

May your Fantasies come True

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Dare to be Bare Shaving Cream- Reviewe

Ottawa has many socially conscious, and animal friendly people craving products which reflect their ideals yet actually work and are affordable. Recently, I tried Earthly Body’s Dare to be Bare shaving creams and I was astounded by the value found in such a small bottle. A cruelty-free, vegan natural shaving cream, Dare to Be Bare is a wonderfully scented product that tickles my ethical fancy. The two products one can find at the Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium are the Dare to Be Bare: Original and their other scent: Dare to Be Bare: Skinny Dip. This shaving cream is specially engineered to take care of those intimate places which often suffer from harsh irritation after the razor cleans her up. Enriched with hemp and argan oils, this product stimulates the hair for better shaving, softens and moisturizes the hair and skin while helping to reduce rashes and skin bumps which makes our lady bits unhappy.

dare to be bare product shotThe Original is perfumed wonderfully with a strong scent of gardenias which entices and excites while the Skinny Dip fills the nose with a kind of spiced shea butter aroma. Counter to many of the other shaving creams on the market today, Dare to be Bare is actually cream-based and no foam, meaning that the proclamation of moisture protection is actually true. Furthermore, being petroleum and paraben free, your skin will like it just as much as your senses do. You also do not need use a lot of the product because it spreads so easily.

If I were to critique this product, I would note that the cream comes off in small lumps in the tub which eventually dissolves, but it is not great for erotic bath times. I would also note that the Original is very perfumed which may bother individuals if they are sensitive. For myself, I gravitated towards the Skinny Dipproduct because it was not as highly scented but I smelt more earth tones which are exactly what I look for in a real natural product. Lastly, this product advertises that it is unisex and can be used anywhere on the body. Due to the scents of both products, I don’t believe men would be interested in most cases, but to each their own. I do believe however, that it can be used anywhere on the body: legs, armpits, arms, and general fun bits are very happy to receive like extra pampering during their regular grooming rituals.

LILITH Out!

A Note on Female Ejaculation

A note on Female Ejaculation

The month of April marks warmer times spent shedding our winter coats and donning our rubber boots in preparation for the coming torrential downpour, signifying it is spring. Spring itself is known as a time of rebirth, new beginnings and playfulness. Even as an adult we cherish times where our inner-child is welcome to enjoy our surroundings by splashing in that gigantic puddle or dancing in the rain. Spring for Wicked Wanda’s is a time to try new things, and to reconnect with oneself and learn new ways to pleasure yourself and partner/s. Our theme this month is April Showers – a focus on female ejaculation and the wonders of the truly fulfilling pleasure one can find in the bedroom.

Female ejaculation however is riddled with complex societal perceptions and reservations. Whether this is from a long history of Catholicism or the neoliberal capitalist society that doesn’t leave time for orgasms in our daily lives, our sexual culture is strangely distant from even the possibility of female ejaculation. There is arguably an intense stigma against female ejaculation, partially because it can encompass a wide variety of meanings. From squirting or gushing to very little fluid, every woman is different.

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Squirting for instance is regarded by some as an extremely unique phenomenon that most women cannot achieve. Others believe that only the most sexually promiscuous of women can achieve ejaculation to that level. Individuals like our Sexpert™ Julia ‘Muse’ Winston believes that with “proper instruction, attention, circumstance, and mental safety,” most women can squirt. Furthermore, Winston is the artistic mind behindThe Squirt Project which argues that female ejaculation and squirting specifically is incredibly healthy physically, mentally and spiritually and that the stigma against squirting needs to stop. Even in the sex world, squirting is fetishized as “different” and for different tastes. Squirting can be achieved by many in many different ways – solo or with a partner, from vaginal to anal, from clitoral to G-spot, the possibilities are endless.

On the other hand however, there is perhaps an even more intense stigma against those women who are not usually incredibly wet. A culture of criticism around the functions and expectations of the vagina lead women to be ever conscious of their possible “problems”. As oftentimes wetness is socially constructed as an indicator of desire; women can become incredibly self-conscious, leading to a vicious cycle of confidence breakers feeding into more confidence breakers. As I’ve heard many times: The biggest sex organ is the brain. There is a terrible epidemic of stigma against women who do not fit into the pornographic perceptions of female sexuality and that includes how women orgasm and female ejaculation.

Women’s bodies are incredibly capable in finding pleasure in many places, by many means and our culture’s judgey-face against squirting or for that matter, not ejaculating enough, is damaging to our sex lives. Confidence is the sexiest thing anyone can have and by supporting the consensual exploration of women’s bodies, we build confidence and thus we build better orgasms. Go out there ladies, find a way to make your naughty bits happy and perhaps our partners can help in the process.

To check out all the toys to help in your exploration, see our product selection online or come into the store to speak with our knowledgeable staff.

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Lilith Out!

Lara Karaian Interview on Selfies, Sexuality and Teens: A Canadian Perspective

Recorded December 1st, 2014. On this episode of Femme Fatale, Lilith brought assistant professor in the Carleton Criminology department professor Lara Karian to talk about her research. Looking at the regulation of sexuality in Canada through law and the culture of porn informed her current work on how teen sexuality is regarded both socially and through the law here in Canada, and how teens themselves see sex and sex education.

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