Booty Blog

Booty Blog .4 Julia’s Story

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

By Guest Writer: Julia Winston

The short version of the story goes like this. Painfully virginal middle-class suburban girl grows up in painfully normal and comfortable ‘proper’ neighborhood. She learns about her body parts from books and school sex Ed. class. This girl will be a good girl, not sleep around in high school, meet her husband at 17, marry him at 21 and think that it will be perfectly fine to spend the rest of her life making herself climax after sex instead of during. At least I was capable of orgasm, I had an inkling that many women were not. Fast forward to age 22, when an unexpected man from my past reentered my life in the most serendipitous and wonderful of ways. Fast forward to the moment I realized that my marriage, although comfortable and loving and without any obvious flaws, was…how should I put this…boring. I started to get the feeling that perhaps I was missing something, that perhaps at the age of 21, I didn’t know everything. I have always been a curious person, but at the time, I had trouble escaping the cultural paradigm on which I was raised. My husband was older than me and even less sexually experienced than I was.

It took a chance encounter with my high school sweetheart to get the curiosity flowing. It took his constant positivity and trustworthiness. It took months and months of excruciatingly chaste friendship until finally, my sexual-self emerged from the shadows, a surprise it seems, only to me. He knew I had it in me all along and he was determined to help my inner slut emerge and flourish. Our society loves sexy women but shuns women who love sex. I wasn’t ready yet to be seen as a slut.

Our passion was palpable and rooted in pheromones and matching chemistry but our encounters were still reticent, cautious and controlled due to my inability to turn off my brain and surrender. I couldn’t let go of mother culture. I was open though, and willing to try new things. We would watch porn together and talk about things that turned us on. I ALWAYS skipped the butt stuff. I thought it was the ultimate turn off. How could anal sex possibly be comfortable, clean or pleasurable for that matter. Surely only porn stars have anal sex and then surely only because they are being paid and men like it. My upbringing was germaphobic and private. Asses MUST be disgusting. So although I continued being ‘adventurous’ in my eyes, I was clearly not living up to the spirit of the word. During this period in my life, I tried anal sex once or twice and did not love it or hate it, just mostly felt indifferent and confused about it.crystal jellies kit

Fast forward again. Lovers have come and gone. None have insisted on anal and so I felt secure in the fact that this would not be a part of my sexual experience and was totally at peace with that. High school lover comes back into my life again and this time, our wild oats have been sowed with others and we are ready to move forward in exploration together. He has ALWAYS loved anal sex but I never knew how much. I wonder whether my reticence on this issue will cause our relationship to fall apart and so I open myself up to all possibilities. I let love and trust rule and throw all caution to the wayside. I decide to let him ‘train’ me. He knows what he is doing and I feel confident.

Those first couple months of my training were some of the most intense of my life. Not only was I expanding my sexual repertoire, but I felt my mind and spirit expanding as well. I gained a new appreciation for my body and what it is capable of. I felt pleasure I did not even know existed. My first ass plug was a beautiful metal weighted crystal jewel plug and it felt more like a piece of jewelry than a training tool. It made my ass feel pretty. It made me feel like the hole I had so overlooked was more special than I had given credit. As my sexual appetites changed and grew, I came to enjoy anal sex even more than conventional sex. I came to wish I could train longer and harder. I came to want to please my partner in ways I would have shunned 10 years before. And the pleasure and closeness was mutual. It was as if, through the magic of submission through anal sex, I had found a new calling.anal fantasy vibe

I know this sounds dramatic and that a lot of people, even those who participate in the act, do not feel this way about anal sex, but I am a person who demands change and transformation. I am a person who is adventurous and open minded. My journey to better, closer and more intense sex with mind blowing double penetration anal orgasms and even squirting anal orgasms had now led me to want to share. My experience has led me to become a sex educator and to the creation of erotica and sexy content that suits my own tastes instead of relying on the creations of others. My constant need to improve myself and learn has led me to the extremes of anal sex, my original limits broken and smashed, I seek new and higher planes of existence. I seek to stretch and strengthen and use my body and be used. I seek to share my pleasure and my pain with others so they may get a glimpse of the revolution I have evoked in my own body. For if we do not even understand the pleasure potential of our own body, how can we be expected to understand another person?

Julia ‘Muse’ Winston is a sexual scientist and erotic artist. She is the head researcher and mastermind behind The Squirt Project, and international online resource on the topic of Female Ejaculation. Her workshops are held at Wicked Wanda’s in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Julia Winston

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The Booty Blog 3. Lubrication, Lubrication, Lubrication

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

During my journey into anal and as a sex store clerk I’ve discovered one very important thing… Lube is key. Unlike the vagina, the anus, or any parts of your bum, do not have a self-lubricating system. Spit orgod help me, water is not good lubrication at all. Women hate it when their legs chafe in the summer or worse men hate it when their balls chafe, imagine in your butt… wait, don’t, because it is horrible. Let alone, without proper lubrication during anal play, you can actually tear and deeply hurt your arse-hole and the anal canal. So for the purpose of the Booty Blog I’ve come up with a list of the top five anal lubes that you can find at Wicked Wanda’s and which will definitely get the job done.

Sutil by Hathor#1 – My absolute favorite lube for everything sexy-time related including anal is Hathor’s SUTIL lube. One of the only water-based lubes on our list, SUTIL is a fantastic lube that is eco-friendly and chemical-free. What makes SUTIL different than the other Hathor products is that it is meant to feel like silicone but it is water-based. Through my experience with it, I completely agree that it does feel like silicone in that it is thicker than traditional water-based lubes. That said, it is still water-based so it will eventually start absorbing into the skin. Add some spit or water, even more lube and it will come right back to life. The reason I like this lube so much is because it is great for sensitive skin, leaves very little residue and it is completely safe with all toys including silicone. It also has a wonderful consistency that feels luxuriant. The price is a little steep at $24.99+taxes for 4oz/120 ml but that is because it is a Canadian-made product shipped from Vancouver and it is made from fantastic natural ingredients, rather than harsh chemicals.

Note: Be careful about silicone lubes, while they are the go-to for a lot of people’s anal play because they are thicker and longer-lasting, they play too nice with silicone toys. Silicone lube and toys tend to start melting into each other which ruins your toy’s integrity and eventually makes the toy useless. Of course you can use silicone lube with non-silicone toys and if you are just going with a straight up penis or fingers. It is also a misconception that you can’t have a condom on and do silicone lube at the same time. There is nothing about silicone lube that is harmful to condoms, that is oil-based lube and it is rare to find oil in lubes these days because of it.

Sassy#2 – The only other water-based lube on this list is our second place product: Sliquid’s Sassy lube. Nicknamed the booty gel by the Wanda’s staff, this lube is long-lasting and totally safe. This lube gets second place because it is glycerin and paraben free like our SUTIL friend but is not Canadian-made. The booty gel is great for a water-based anal lube because it has a thick consistency and gets the job done. It is tasteless, scentless and entirely vegan. I like this one a little less than the SUTILbecause of a difference in consistency and the less eco-friendly nature of the highly-produced Sliquid brand. For a 4oz/120ml it is $14.99+ taxes. The 8.5 oz/255ml is $24.99+taxes.

sliquid-silver#3 – Next on the list is Sliquid’s Silver lube. This is a purely silicone-based lube and it has everything one could want with a thick, silicone lube. It is smooth and simple. Sliquid is a great brand because all of their products are glycerin and paraben free, including being vegan and always consistent. This particular one is hypoallergenic, scent-free and waterproof. It can be used as an anal or vaginal lube and for sensual massage because it lasts so long. That said, it is silicone so you cannot use it with silicone toys and sometimes silicone lube stains sheets. Another one of those lubes that gets the job done for an affordable price. For 4.2oz/ 125ml it is $16.99+ taxes and for 8.5oz/ 255ml it is $29.99+taxes. You’ll notice with silicone lubes they almost always cost more because the lube itself is more expensive to make.

Gun Oil#4 – Gun Oil is our fourth place anal product but by no means is it lacking in fantastic performance capabilities. Gun Oil is another silicone lubricant that is extremely popular when we feature it in the store. It is simple and doesn’t weigh heavy on the skin or seem to coat the skin undesirably but it does lubricate really well. Like mentioned before, you do not want to use silicone toys with this one but it is popular for those coming in with a lot of experience with anal play. It doesn’t beat out theSliquid silicone lube because it does have chemicals and doesn’t guarantee being free of parabens or glycerin.

boybutter#5 – The last lube on this top 5 list is unique in ingredients and consistency. Boy Butter is the only partially oil-based lube you can find at Wicked Wanda’s but it uses oil in its ingredients for a reason. A hybrid of oil and silicone, this lube lasts a very long time and washes out of cloth and off of skin. While we do not recommend using condoms at all with this lubricant because it can immediately compromise the condoms integrity, it is a great lube for anal. There is the option of getting Boy Butter without the oil yet it doesn’t necessarily last as long. This lube is great for anal sex with wiggly bits and no condoms but due to the restrictions on usage, it gets 5th place.

Lube is absolutely necessary when experimenting with anal, either with toys or anal sex with fleshy bits. While it helps keep you safe from causing unwanted damage, it also makes it way more pleasurable for all involved. Even when experimenting solo, I found lube was fundamental for a good experience. Even using my own self-made lubrication was not enough for the long haul. You may also like to check out lubricant inserters for less mess and lube exactly where you want it. They look like fun little swords but they are great, especially for deep anal play with longer toys or with a penis. You can find all of these products at Wicked Wanda’s today.

Yours,

Lilith

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The Booty Blog .2 Diagrams and Wiggly Bits

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

As a fairly inexperienced anal explorer, my first step was research. This might be because of my well-earned nerd status, but as I’ve heard horror stories, like I’m sure many have, I thought it would be better to consult the experts. The most important and practical thing I learned was to study the anatomy and to not let yourself be grossed out by it. We all vaguely remember being in elementary or high-school staring at what was supposedly diagrams of our innards and wiggly bits. Even now it is hard not to giggle just a little at the strange and wonderful machine that is our body.

female anatomy

Female Anatomy

male anatomy

Male Anatomy

Yet when it comes to anal play, anatomy becomes fundamental, if not “avoiding the hospital” important. Male and female anatomy share many things in common, arguably we are far more alike then medicine has lead us to believe over the years and our nether regions are no different. Both genders have external sphincters, PC muscles, internal sphincters, rectums and colons; which makes up what most would call the butthole and/or anus. Check out the diagrams below. Men have the added bonus of having their prostate gland (or male G-spot) very close to their rectal canal and thus anal can be especially intense and pleasurable for men.

When inserting a lubricated finger into your bum, you’ll notice two rings of muscles that you have to let adjust to your finger and which bring you further in. These are the external and internal sphincters. They are fantastic mechanisms that can work together and separately to achieve different things. I discovered through exploration of my own and research, that there are a ton of nerve-endings which is what makes touch by fingers, tongue or toys so pleasurable for some. Yet those nerve-endings reside really only in the first portions of the bumhole. This discovery was super interesting for me because it helped me to understand what I wanted.

Do I want a lot of sensations in an area that is sensitive? Great, stick to the first few inches in.

Do I want a feeling of fullness and pleasure from pressure? Look into longer toys or anal sex with a penis.

One of the main concerns I have heard from folks over the years and which I have my own concerns about as well, is the dreaded feces. Very few people want to encounter poop while having sexy times and frankly, while enjoying anal, shit happens. Yet the likelihood of it happening is much lower than most are aware of. Especially in the first few inches of your butt, you are not likely to find any feces bits at all. I’ve noticed that it is still a small battle with myself to not be weirded out by the possibility, yet knowing more about that area has helped in this regard. Once you start experimenting with bigger toys or a penis and you get closer to the colon; that is when you may encounter some poop.

Tip: During a shower or bath before sexy times, take a finger and explore your bum. You will get to know your butt better and you can help clean out any bits that might be hanging out in the first few inches. For those going deeper or that are very concerned about encountering poop, you can try douching or what is also known as enemas (click here for more on douching). The number-one thing about douching/enemas is that you use a kit and that you use lukewarm water with no chemicals in it (including the chemicals you can find in enema kits). You also do not want to do it often, maybe once a week max because you do not want to upset your bacterial balance and make your colon dependent on external factors to function properly.

Frankly, if you encounter some poop, laugh about it and clean up. Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect and that’s okay. What isn’t okay is when we shame ourselves and our bodies for what happens naturally. I found that during my own exploration, I got more and more comfortable with the fact that I was playing with my butthole and that shit happens. I try to keep a Kleenex box nearby for quick cleanup and a robe close at hand so I can travel to the washroom quickly to wash my hands without getting spotted by my roommate.

Lastly on the point of anatomy:

Yes, stuff can get sucked up and disappear into your butt. A scary reality if you’ve watched any ER orGray’s Anatomy episodes but it is true. This is because objects can go all the way up into the colon and further. Unlike the vagina which has a cervix to stop objects from going further up, the rectum doesn’t have a stopgap. That’s why dildos and butt plugs are two different shapes. Things going in your butt have to have a flared base or be attached to a person (penis or strap-on) so that it doesn’t do the Houdini. That’s why people can take footballs or fists up in there because the bumhole can accommodate many different shapes and sizes.

When experimenting with just my fingers I found that lube was absolutely necessary and should be spread on the finger and on the hole itself for an easier time and a more sensual experience. Interestingly, I found that when I pushed out slightly that the opening opened further and also welcomed in what I was attempting. While I found that I did not get a lot of sexual stimulation from the small insertion; combined with a small vibrator on the clitoris made for a rather explosive orgasm. I am excited to try a vibrating butt-plug because my vibrator running a little bit south felt surprisingly good. Trying with a finger in the bath or shower was also a nice experience and doubled as a little bit of extra cleaning.
Yours,Now that I’ve done my research, time for some play and to see what toys and lube are best for the job.

Lilith

Remember you can anonymously submit your stories and questions at bootyblog@wickedwandas.ca to get your questions answered and to share your experiences with our Wicked readers!

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