Commercializing Sex Positivity

By: Lilith

The term sex positivity is thrown around a lot both online and among peer circles whether feminist or not because is seems rather self explanatory. Especially considering our neo-liberal system where the individual needs rule, of course we are sex positive, sex is good—if not necessary.

In fact, our culture is saturated with the idea that pleasure is not only good but necessary to one’s general well-being—we should expect it in relationships and the rise masturbation as a fulfilling pastime (within reason) only grows. Yet where does sex positivity come from as an idea?

Not surprisingly for many, sex positivity as an idea comes from the feminist second wave movement during the 1960 and 1970s in the United States. Largely it came to be understood through one of the main debates among feminists during this time, cutely nicknamed by academic feminists: the sex wars. This debate focused on pornography and BDSM and is mainly where our negative stereotypes of feminists is breed from. The debate melted down to sex-positive feminists vs. anti-pornography (and anti-BDSM) feminists, where one side argued that pornography and BDSM does not have to be oppressive for women and other minorities and the other arguing that pornography and BDSM is inherently by its nature—oppressive.

Popular stereotypes of feminists such as man-hating, lesbian, and bra-burning is born from the wide backlash to the anti-pornography feminists of this time. While this huge debate is so much more complicated then many women studies classes and casual feminists would have you believe, this debate made visible the discussion of pleasure in sex and where that pleasure does and should come from.

During this time, lesbian middle-class white women began to open sex stores which embodied their sex positive politics through being female centered and often clitoral focused as well. One of the original store of this kind was called Good Vibrations and set the precedent for many more to open thereafter.

Many of these stores originally refused to carry any kind of pornography but slowly opened up to feminist made pornography. Likewise, some refused to carry dildos because of their phallic nature and the vaginal penetration obsession they viewed as ultimately hurting women’s exploration of their pleasure. These stores which are widely popular today function on a need to distinguish themselves strictly from the “regular” sex stores of yesterday—that being male-dominated stores, often specializing in pornography.

These stores were understood as uncomfortable and objectifying for many women, whereas the “Good Vibrations” model of sex store sought to be the exact opposite with bright, welcoming spaces, usually female identified staff and an education based model. Through an education model of sex stores, the sex positive revolution can be fully realized because these stores are about opening up dialogue and space for women wanting to explore their sexuality and pleasure.

The sexpositiveojst“Good Vibrations” model therefore, commercialized the sex positive politics of the second wave partly because its originators were very much those feminist fighting within the sex wars. Rather then buying a product in a “regular” sex store, you buy an idea of feminist sexual liberation and sex positivity when you purchase from a “Good Vibrations” model store. Yet these stores are not exempted from being problematic because their mission statement seems so great.

At the core of the sex industry including sex stores whether the “regular” or feminist is consumer capitalism. It is easy to forget this when who or what you are buying from makes you feel good. For instance, fair-trade coffee and chocolates or buying a ribbon to support breast cancer research. This is not to say you should not support these causes but rather to be aware that you are buying into an idea with your money as an “ethical consumer” or “feel good” consumerism, which means that often as consumers we do not look deeper into the causes or companies we are buying into. This can be said for the “Good Vibrations” model stores as well because we often do not think of the classed aspects that go into taste politics.

When these stores set themselves as completely opposite to “regular” stores they do so by using words like seedy, dirty, cheap and objectifying to describe these stores. These words very much set up a kind of taste politics where not only is the potential for feminist and ethical buying undermined within the “regular” store spaces but the idea that you should buy from the” right” place, for the “right” reason. “Good Vibrations” model sex stores have set themselves apart based on quality and education which sounds fantastic but also alienates people because quality within consumer capitalism is synonymous with expensive.

Sometimes these stores are too expensive for the average consumer and at other times the language used is often academic and inaccessible because of it. Feeling like you will say the wrong thing within these spaces is a real fear for some consumers. While education is arguably never a bad thing, when it is used to create hierarchies of who is supposed to be in a certain space or how you are supposed to exist within that space can be incredibly problematic and counter-productive.

This is not to say all “Good Vibrations” model stores are problematic but rather to talk about how when sex positivity becomes commercialized we must investigate how within a capitalist system—not all sex is positive and how sex positivity does not apply equally to everyone.

We must be critical of how we create hierarchies even by using feminist concepts meant to break down other kinds of hierarchies. Even originators of the “Good Vibrations” model stores where conscious and justly critical of their capitalist needs to stay open and eventually came to an understanding that to continue spreading their message, money was necessary.

In fact, in our heavily saturated sexual marketplace, stores cannot ignore their financial needs and put the “message” first anymore. As consumers we must also find a way to support the businesses which both suit our financial and ethical needs because consumers have an incredibly amount of power.

What you want to see from a business, either through their selection of products, the space itself or the customer service, changes how a store functions because within consumer capitalism if the consumer isn’t buying—the business won’t stay open. Furthermore, while this brief piece has portrayed the “regular” sex store and the “Good Vibrations” model store as distinctly different, there are so many variations in between and increasingly it is becoming difficult to clearly distinguish the two.

These difficulties are especially true when considering the growing online shopping for sex toys. In the case of online sex stores, there is very little power given to the consumer as power is sacrificed for inexpensive products.

The important part is to be critical, ask questions and to support those businesses you believe in. Furthermore, understand that ideas like sex positivity are great but we must go deeper—interrogate how they actually play out in our lives and in the case of sex stores, in our capitalist system.

This blog was written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium and for an independent Ottawa Zine

I Destroy my Clit… So Why so Gentle with Oral? NSFW

Originally published on August 11, 2016 • Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

By: Lilith

I suddenly yelled in exasperation: “do you even know how I destroy my clit?” This incredibly inappropriate yet hilarious outburst was during a conversation with a fellow female co-worker centered on unsatisfying oral by partners in the past. While I cannot speak for all women, nor should I, I can honestly say that I’ve encountered many women who hate how gentle and tentative bedfellows can be when giving oral. This being the complete opposite of how we women have treated our own clits, vulvas and vaginas.

Not to be crude but I have absolutely obliterated my clit while seeking just one more orgasm… Maybe two more. I know how tough my beaver is and the kind of beating it can take because I’ve been meaner to her then any person has gotten close to being. This is not to say that I don’t love my clit and treat her nicely, but on occasion, that bitch needs to be destroyed.

It may seem strange to have a woman talking about her “secret garden” like this but honestly why is it so strange? Knowing our bodies enough to know that it will recover from some tender abuse (consensually) and that I like it, is incredibly empowering because I set my own pace and it is entirely for my own pleasure. We seem obsessed with the frailty of not just the female gender but the soft, tenderness of the genitalia which marks us female according to medical science. When ignorant people say “don’t be a pussy,” they obviously have never thought of what kind of badass beating pussies can take and how amazingly tough those pink lips and love canal really can be. The saying should be: “be tough like a pussy”.

Whether the destruction is due to good old-fashion fingers, new toy exploration or the classic destroyer the Hitachi Magic Wand, needless to say, you don’t have to be gentle when confronted with my “rosebud”. During my time working in a sex store, I have encountered many women who share the same sentiment about the frustrating sweet tenderness of tongue flicks. Note: if you lick ice-cream with more intensity and pressure then you do a woman, re-evaluate.

This is of course not to say that you can never be gentle, in fact it is often best to start gentle and work on everywhere but the clit to begin with. Yet when it comes time to show off your tornado tongue, please for the love of God, make use of the amazing muscles featured in the mouth. They are strong for a reason!

Communicate with your lady friend next time you plan on chowing down on some muff, ask if she likes it rougher. Listen to her when you’re munching for the cues on where to hit and even where not to go. This can be said for men as well! I’ve been told by many men that they like a little rough pressure as they also have gone full ham on themselves, on many occasions.

I cannot express this enough that every person is different and communication between partners is important to making sure everyone has an enjoyable and safe time. Don’t be afraid to suck, lick, even graze with your teeth your partner’s wiggly bits because we have done so much worse to ourselves at one point or another!

So next time you are ready to enjoy some lady taco, keep in mind that the kind of mean things you’ve done to your own meat package is actually fairly common and getting rough sometimes goes a long way towards groundbreaking orgasms rather than BoringVille.

Note: This blog is focused on the experiences of cis-women. Trans men and women have very different experiences in regards to sexuality, and how to appropriately perform certain sexual acts pre or post surgery. I am not writing about trans folks because it would be flat-out wrong to speak for them, that privilege is theirs alone.
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2015 in review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 10,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Booty Blog .4 Julia’s Story

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

By Guest Writer: Julia Winston

The short version of the story goes like this. Painfully virginal middle-class suburban girl grows up in painfully normal and comfortable ‘proper’ neighborhood. She learns about her body parts from books and school sex Ed. class. This girl will be a good girl, not sleep around in high school, meet her husband at 17, marry him at 21 and think that it will be perfectly fine to spend the rest of her life making herself climax after sex instead of during. At least I was capable of orgasm, I had an inkling that many women were not. Fast forward to age 22, when an unexpected man from my past reentered my life in the most serendipitous and wonderful of ways. Fast forward to the moment I realized that my marriage, although comfortable and loving and without any obvious flaws, was…how should I put this…boring. I started to get the feeling that perhaps I was missing something, that perhaps at the age of 21, I didn’t know everything. I have always been a curious person, but at the time, I had trouble escaping the cultural paradigm on which I was raised. My husband was older than me and even less sexually experienced than I was.

It took a chance encounter with my high school sweetheart to get the curiosity flowing. It took his constant positivity and trustworthiness. It took months and months of excruciatingly chaste friendship until finally, my sexual-self emerged from the shadows, a surprise it seems, only to me. He knew I had it in me all along and he was determined to help my inner slut emerge and flourish. Our society loves sexy women but shuns women who love sex. I wasn’t ready yet to be seen as a slut.

Our passion was palpable and rooted in pheromones and matching chemistry but our encounters were still reticent, cautious and controlled due to my inability to turn off my brain and surrender. I couldn’t let go of mother culture. I was open though, and willing to try new things. We would watch porn together and talk about things that turned us on. I ALWAYS skipped the butt stuff. I thought it was the ultimate turn off. How could anal sex possibly be comfortable, clean or pleasurable for that matter. Surely only porn stars have anal sex and then surely only because they are being paid and men like it. My upbringing was germaphobic and private. Asses MUST be disgusting. So although I continued being ‘adventurous’ in my eyes, I was clearly not living up to the spirit of the word. During this period in my life, I tried anal sex once or twice and did not love it or hate it, just mostly felt indifferent and confused about it.crystal jellies kit

Fast forward again. Lovers have come and gone. None have insisted on anal and so I felt secure in the fact that this would not be a part of my sexual experience and was totally at peace with that. High school lover comes back into my life again and this time, our wild oats have been sowed with others and we are ready to move forward in exploration together. He has ALWAYS loved anal sex but I never knew how much. I wonder whether my reticence on this issue will cause our relationship to fall apart and so I open myself up to all possibilities. I let love and trust rule and throw all caution to the wayside. I decide to let him ‘train’ me. He knows what he is doing and I feel confident.

Those first couple months of my training were some of the most intense of my life. Not only was I expanding my sexual repertoire, but I felt my mind and spirit expanding as well. I gained a new appreciation for my body and what it is capable of. I felt pleasure I did not even know existed. My first ass plug was a beautiful metal weighted crystal jewel plug and it felt more like a piece of jewelry than a training tool. It made my ass feel pretty. It made me feel like the hole I had so overlooked was more special than I had given credit. As my sexual appetites changed and grew, I came to enjoy anal sex even more than conventional sex. I came to wish I could train longer and harder. I came to want to please my partner in ways I would have shunned 10 years before. And the pleasure and closeness was mutual. It was as if, through the magic of submission through anal sex, I had found a new calling.anal fantasy vibe

I know this sounds dramatic and that a lot of people, even those who participate in the act, do not feel this way about anal sex, but I am a person who demands change and transformation. I am a person who is adventurous and open minded. My journey to better, closer and more intense sex with mind blowing double penetration anal orgasms and even squirting anal orgasms had now led me to want to share. My experience has led me to become a sex educator and to the creation of erotica and sexy content that suits my own tastes instead of relying on the creations of others. My constant need to improve myself and learn has led me to the extremes of anal sex, my original limits broken and smashed, I seek new and higher planes of existence. I seek to stretch and strengthen and use my body and be used. I seek to share my pleasure and my pain with others so they may get a glimpse of the revolution I have evoked in my own body. For if we do not even understand the pleasure potential of our own body, how can we be expected to understand another person?

Julia ‘Muse’ Winston is a sexual scientist and erotic artist. She is the head researcher and mastermind behind The Squirt Project, and international online resource on the topic of Female Ejaculation. Her workshops are held at Wicked Wanda’s in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Julia Winston


The Booty Blog 3. Lubrication, Lubrication, Lubrication

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

During my journey into anal and as a sex store clerk I’ve discovered one very important thing… Lube is key. Unlike the vagina, the anus, or any parts of your bum, do not have a self-lubricating system. Spit orgod help me, water is not good lubrication at all. Women hate it when their legs chafe in the summer or worse men hate it when their balls chafe, imagine in your butt… wait, don’t, because it is horrible. Let alone, without proper lubrication during anal play, you can actually tear and deeply hurt your arse-hole and the anal canal. So for the purpose of the Booty Blog I’ve come up with a list of the top five anal lubes that you can find at Wicked Wanda’s and which will definitely get the job done.

Sutil by Hathor#1 – My absolute favorite lube for everything sexy-time related including anal is Hathor’s SUTIL lube. One of the only water-based lubes on our list, SUTIL is a fantastic lube that is eco-friendly and chemical-free. What makes SUTIL different than the other Hathor products is that it is meant to feel like silicone but it is water-based. Through my experience with it, I completely agree that it does feel like silicone in that it is thicker than traditional water-based lubes. That said, it is still water-based so it will eventually start absorbing into the skin. Add some spit or water, even more lube and it will come right back to life. The reason I like this lube so much is because it is great for sensitive skin, leaves very little residue and it is completely safe with all toys including silicone. It also has a wonderful consistency that feels luxuriant. The price is a little steep at $24.99+taxes for 4oz/120 ml but that is because it is a Canadian-made product shipped from Vancouver and it is made from fantastic natural ingredients, rather than harsh chemicals.

Note: Be careful about silicone lubes, while they are the go-to for a lot of people’s anal play because they are thicker and longer-lasting, they play too nice with silicone toys. Silicone lube and toys tend to start melting into each other which ruins your toy’s integrity and eventually makes the toy useless. Of course you can use silicone lube with non-silicone toys and if you are just going with a straight up penis or fingers. It is also a misconception that you can’t have a condom on and do silicone lube at the same time. There is nothing about silicone lube that is harmful to condoms, that is oil-based lube and it is rare to find oil in lubes these days because of it.

Sassy#2 – The only other water-based lube on this list is our second place product: Sliquid’s Sassy lube. Nicknamed the booty gel by the Wanda’s staff, this lube is long-lasting and totally safe. This lube gets second place because it is glycerin and paraben free like our SUTIL friend but is not Canadian-made. The booty gel is great for a water-based anal lube because it has a thick consistency and gets the job done. It is tasteless, scentless and entirely vegan. I like this one a little less than the SUTILbecause of a difference in consistency and the less eco-friendly nature of the highly-produced Sliquid brand. For a 4oz/120ml it is $14.99+ taxes. The 8.5 oz/255ml is $24.99+taxes.

sliquid-silver#3 – Next on the list is Sliquid’s Silver lube. This is a purely silicone-based lube and it has everything one could want with a thick, silicone lube. It is smooth and simple. Sliquid is a great brand because all of their products are glycerin and paraben free, including being vegan and always consistent. This particular one is hypoallergenic, scent-free and waterproof. It can be used as an anal or vaginal lube and for sensual massage because it lasts so long. That said, it is silicone so you cannot use it with silicone toys and sometimes silicone lube stains sheets. Another one of those lubes that gets the job done for an affordable price. For 4.2oz/ 125ml it is $16.99+ taxes and for 8.5oz/ 255ml it is $29.99+taxes. You’ll notice with silicone lubes they almost always cost more because the lube itself is more expensive to make.

Gun Oil#4 – Gun Oil is our fourth place anal product but by no means is it lacking in fantastic performance capabilities. Gun Oil is another silicone lubricant that is extremely popular when we feature it in the store. It is simple and doesn’t weigh heavy on the skin or seem to coat the skin undesirably but it does lubricate really well. Like mentioned before, you do not want to use silicone toys with this one but it is popular for those coming in with a lot of experience with anal play. It doesn’t beat out theSliquid silicone lube because it does have chemicals and doesn’t guarantee being free of parabens or glycerin.

boybutter#5 – The last lube on this top 5 list is unique in ingredients and consistency. Boy Butter is the only partially oil-based lube you can find at Wicked Wanda’s but it uses oil in its ingredients for a reason. A hybrid of oil and silicone, this lube lasts a very long time and washes out of cloth and off of skin. While we do not recommend using condoms at all with this lubricant because it can immediately compromise the condoms integrity, it is a great lube for anal. There is the option of getting Boy Butter without the oil yet it doesn’t necessarily last as long. This lube is great for anal sex with wiggly bits and no condoms but due to the restrictions on usage, it gets 5th place.

Lube is absolutely necessary when experimenting with anal, either with toys or anal sex with fleshy bits. While it helps keep you safe from causing unwanted damage, it also makes it way more pleasurable for all involved. Even when experimenting solo, I found lube was fundamental for a good experience. Even using my own self-made lubrication was not enough for the long haul. You may also like to check out lubricant inserters for less mess and lube exactly where you want it. They look like fun little swords but they are great, especially for deep anal play with longer toys or with a penis. You can find all of these products at Wicked Wanda’s today.




WeVibe Touch- Reviewed

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

Power, precision and a pretty toy are exactly what you are in for when trying out WeVibe’s Touch. This little purple vibrator is top of the line quality because of its classy size and shape, quietness and wiggly bit’s approved power. WeVibe is a Ottawa founded company that has gain world renown for their couple’s toy but for solo play they also bring high quality finesse to their rechargeable beasts.


My first impressions were largely based off of the name brand itself. Through my experience as a sexstore employee the age-old saying that “you get what you pay for” is glaringly true. While there are many good vibrators out there that are cheaper, the likelihood they will last and have the desired amount of power is a tossup. Once you get in the habit of buying a new vibrator every 6 months to a year, it gets expensive real fast with the cheap toys. Once I found out how much I enjoyed vibrations for clit play, the obvious choice was to upgrade as soon as possible to a toy that will last. A big part of long-lasting toys is also what kind of battery they take. Frankly, if your toy takes weird batteries or god-forbid watch batteries, throw and run away quickly. Watch batteries are the devil when it comes to sex toys and frankly the cost of batteries and the amount that they leak into your toys is not worth sticking to them. We usually recommend getting into the habit of taking out your batteries from vibrators between uses to help avoid battery leakage into your toy. Rechargeable is the way to go now with sex toys. That is why I like the Touch so much because it is USB rechargeable and thus never having to worry about batteries. You get about two hours of play from a single charge that takes about 90 minutes to fill up full and the toy flashes an orange light when the battery is low.


I’m also a huge fan of silicone toys and especially high-grade silicone because it is silky-soft and cuts down on the noise of the toy. Toys like the Touch are also fantastic for cleaning because simply soap and water works well or toy cleaner if you already have some. Furthermore, the Touch is waterproof, and very enjoyable in the shower. Of course, silicone is great but what about power? This little guy is mind-blowing powerful. With 8 different speeds including pulsating, you can pick your favorites and what’s better is that whatever setting you turned it off on (presumably your favorite one) when you go to use it again, it is still on that setting. No clicking through to find your tried and true favorite. While the power levels can be soft to start the buildup, when you are ready for real vibration that rocks your socks off the Touch abides.




The shape of the Touch is also unique but incredibly smart as it curves to your hand whether for solo play or with a partner. It also isn’t too big to get in the way of enjoying other activities down-below. Furthermore, because of its great pointed end, the vibrations go directly onto the clit rather than all around. Having that focused power allows for longer play and more intense clit orgasms. This is why bullet vibrators are so popular because they are simple and straight to the point.


Overall this toy is fantastic and I would recommend it for every womyn. At the cost of $99.99 + taxes, it is affordable for a rechargeable toy with a 1 year warranty and panty dropping power. While this toy is amazing for many reasons there are of course downsides like any toy. Largely my beef with this toy is about the way it charges. While rechargeable is amazing, it is not very common to see people recharging their toys on their computer desk and that is what you have to do unless you have an adaptor. Touch is USB rechargeable but does not come with a wall plug adaptor. That said, it is very easy to get an adaptor at the dollar store. I actually use my Iphone charging adaptor so the problem is fairly easily solved. My only other criticism of this toy is that the charging prongs that are magnetized to attach to the toy is not very strong so it is easy for the cord to be knocked off and the charging to stop. Definitely want to keep it out-of-the-way as it charges to make sure the cord stays in place.

Otherwise, this toy is absolutely amazing and I would recommend it for anyone who enjoys clit vibrations. This is not a penetrative toy because of its shape and small size. Try this toy out today, come by Wicked Wanda’s to talk to our knowledgeable staff and to see if the Touch can be your new best friend.


To see more check out WeVibe™ Touch Video


The Booty Blog .2 Diagrams and Wiggly Bits

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

As a fairly inexperienced anal explorer, my first step was research. This might be because of my well-earned nerd status, but as I’ve heard horror stories, like I’m sure many have, I thought it would be better to consult the experts. The most important and practical thing I learned was to study the anatomy and to not let yourself be grossed out by it. We all vaguely remember being in elementary or high-school staring at what was supposedly diagrams of our innards and wiggly bits. Even now it is hard not to giggle just a little at the strange and wonderful machine that is our body.

female anatomy

Female Anatomy

male anatomy

Male Anatomy

Yet when it comes to anal play, anatomy becomes fundamental, if not “avoiding the hospital” important. Male and female anatomy share many things in common, arguably we are far more alike then medicine has lead us to believe over the years and our nether regions are no different. Both genders have external sphincters, PC muscles, internal sphincters, rectums and colons; which makes up what most would call the butthole and/or anus. Check out the diagrams below. Men have the added bonus of having their prostate gland (or male G-spot) very close to their rectal canal and thus anal can be especially intense and pleasurable for men.

When inserting a lubricated finger into your bum, you’ll notice two rings of muscles that you have to let adjust to your finger and which bring you further in. These are the external and internal sphincters. They are fantastic mechanisms that can work together and separately to achieve different things. I discovered through exploration of my own and research, that there are a ton of nerve-endings which is what makes touch by fingers, tongue or toys so pleasurable for some. Yet those nerve-endings reside really only in the first portions of the bumhole. This discovery was super interesting for me because it helped me to understand what I wanted.

Do I want a lot of sensations in an area that is sensitive? Great, stick to the first few inches in.

Do I want a feeling of fullness and pleasure from pressure? Look into longer toys or anal sex with a penis.

One of the main concerns I have heard from folks over the years and which I have my own concerns about as well, is the dreaded feces. Very few people want to encounter poop while having sexy times and frankly, while enjoying anal, shit happens. Yet the likelihood of it happening is much lower than most are aware of. Especially in the first few inches of your butt, you are not likely to find any feces bits at all. I’ve noticed that it is still a small battle with myself to not be weirded out by the possibility, yet knowing more about that area has helped in this regard. Once you start experimenting with bigger toys or a penis and you get closer to the colon; that is when you may encounter some poop.

Tip: During a shower or bath before sexy times, take a finger and explore your bum. You will get to know your butt better and you can help clean out any bits that might be hanging out in the first few inches. For those going deeper or that are very concerned about encountering poop, you can try douching or what is also known as enemas (click here for more on douching). The number-one thing about douching/enemas is that you use a kit and that you use lukewarm water with no chemicals in it (including the chemicals you can find in enema kits). You also do not want to do it often, maybe once a week max because you do not want to upset your bacterial balance and make your colon dependent on external factors to function properly.

Frankly, if you encounter some poop, laugh about it and clean up. Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect and that’s okay. What isn’t okay is when we shame ourselves and our bodies for what happens naturally. I found that during my own exploration, I got more and more comfortable with the fact that I was playing with my butthole and that shit happens. I try to keep a Kleenex box nearby for quick cleanup and a robe close at hand so I can travel to the washroom quickly to wash my hands without getting spotted by my roommate.

Lastly on the point of anatomy:

Yes, stuff can get sucked up and disappear into your butt. A scary reality if you’ve watched any ER orGray’s Anatomy episodes but it is true. This is because objects can go all the way up into the colon and further. Unlike the vagina which has a cervix to stop objects from going further up, the rectum doesn’t have a stopgap. That’s why dildos and butt plugs are two different shapes. Things going in your butt have to have a flared base or be attached to a person (penis or strap-on) so that it doesn’t do the Houdini. That’s why people can take footballs or fists up in there because the bumhole can accommodate many different shapes and sizes.

When experimenting with just my fingers I found that lube was absolutely necessary and should be spread on the finger and on the hole itself for an easier time and a more sensual experience. Interestingly, I found that when I pushed out slightly that the opening opened further and also welcomed in what I was attempting. While I found that I did not get a lot of sexual stimulation from the small insertion; combined with a small vibrator on the clitoris made for a rather explosive orgasm. I am excited to try a vibrating butt-plug because my vibrator running a little bit south felt surprisingly good. Trying with a finger in the bath or shower was also a nice experience and doubled as a little bit of extra cleaning.
Yours,Now that I’ve done my research, time for some play and to see what toys and lube are best for the job.


Remember you can anonymously submit your stories and questions at to get your questions answered and to share your experiences with our Wicked readers!


Jenny’s Wedding is lesbianless- Movie Review

I just watched the movie Jenny’s Wedding which some of you may not have even heard of but it stars Katherine Heigl and Alexis Bledel as a lesbian couple getting married. The description for the movie is:

“When Jenny (Katherine Heigl) decides to marry a woman (Alexis Bledel), her conventional family must accept who she is or risk losing her forever.”

While this movie will never be an Oscar winner frankly because of its sub-pare plot, characters and over usage of music overs on people being sad, this movie was most disappointing because it featured no attempt at making a lesbian couple real nor relate-able. Furthermore, the story is far more about the straight couples around them than about Jenny and Kitty (Bledel) themselves. This is only one example of the multitudes of movies as of late which capitalize on the growing popularity of being liberal “and accepting the gays” but fail to portray real queer people with real full lives. One only needs to see the various boycott hashtag campaigns surrounding the upcoming Stonewall movie to see that queer characters are not getting the full character development and realism they deserve.

However Jenny’s Wedding had the makings of being a stellar female focused film with writer and director Mary Agnes Donoghue who wrote the screenplays for Beaches and White Oleander, however just because a writer/ director is women-centric does not mean she can pull of an authentic queer story. The couple in question, Jenny and Kitty lack any chemistry between each other, which is slightly understandable as there are four total scenes where they are seen showing affection towards each other and not all of those scenes feature them kissing. There is no presentation of their domestic lives together regardless that they have been in a commit relationship for five years. Furthermore, it is difficult to feel any authenticity or connection with these characters and their relationship when the love interest is lacking all resemblance of character development. You don’t even learn her last name! The description of the movie doesn’t even say that her name is Kitty. You have no idea what her family situation is, nor her job or anything about her except that she supposedly loves Jenny and is willing to “go along” with whatever Jenny wants as Kitty herself has no opinions or a personality. The first time you see any kind of affection between the characters is 25 minutes into the movie! Don’t get me started on the fact that this is movie is completely without any sex! The only mention of sex in the movie is during a blowup scene with Jenny and her father when he alludes to being confused about how to act because he doesn’t know how they have sex. Jenny then proceeds to humiliate her fiance about who wears the strap-on to make a point to her straight father.jennys-wedding1

Really this movie is not about Jenny’s Wedding or anything to do with Jenny and Kitty but is instead all about the straight people in her life. Of course, I specifically talk of her family because Jenny and Kitty apparently have no friends and Kitty appears to have no family of her own. While arguably this story is about Jenny’s relationship with her parents, very little is focused on the real grappling of Jenny’s revelation. Just a whole lot of sad montages covered over by music and her mother yelling at her father saying “We have to talk about this”. We get to see Jenny’s sister Annie come to terms with her unhappy marriage through the deepest and most moving part of the movie… her grass on the front lawn… (no sarcasm). The most developed characters in the story are Jenny’s parents and they lack any real dimension.

I have no real problem with the acting in this movie because frankly when you are given an steamy pile of hetero crap to act from, its hard to do a good job.  While this movie passes the GLAAD Bechdel test for queer characters called The Russo Test, it only passes because the main character is gay. Frankly, if you are testing whether the gay characters themselves are full characters with lives outside of their sexual preference and that a supposedly gay film is in fact about gay characters, this movie would fail miserably. As someone within the rainbow, I am tired of Hollywood capitalizing on this trend of “gay loving” without giving any real characters or reflecting pieces of people’s real lives. On another note- there is only one person of color featured in the film and they are in the last couple of minutes and have a non-speaking part and there are no differently able characters.  And would Hollywood stop playing Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’s song Same Love in every gay movie they can! Seriously, could you pick a song written or sung by gay people to symbolize that you should not be a bigot while watching this movie instead of a white hetero guy telling you to love the gays cuz they are just like us…

Wohoo, we have a film about gay people… but not really because no one lives in a shiny white world where everyone can afford anything they like and everyone is a picture of perfect health and body. I want a film about gay characters which are featured as real people with real lives, seems too much to ask right now.

Lilith Out!

Not convinced? Check out these reviews:

The Booty Blog- 1. The Tentative Plunge

Originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

I suppose if I think back to my first experience with anal it was a painful and accidental incident which may have set the tone for much of my future exploration of the backdoor possibilities. Essentially, his penis slipped and entered the wrong door. Not a terribly uncommon happening for women out there that enjoy being vaginally penetrated, but it sure was quite a surprise for me at the time. Yet, as a very sex-positive person who enjoys experimenting by nature, I was and am always willing to try something new and anal always seemed to come back up with partners down the road. While in my head I never considered anal gross or dirty, I had to battle with some kind of learned negative reaction to it. Questions like: what if we encounter… poop. Now that is gross right? Wouldn’t that kill the mood? I know this comes from a much ingrained cultural body-shaming machine which says that the backdoor is in some way unnatural. Yet natural and unnatural are complete fabrications of our human mind. anal sexIf you believe in God, how can you say that one body part was meant for one thing when you don’t know the ultimate plan? Or if you are more comfortable with science, are we not creatures that adapt to our environment, wants and needs. We made oral sex work for us, why not anal? Do you know how many germs are in the human mouth? I certainly saw anal once I discovered my dad’s porn stash as a kid, and it appeared to my young eyes that there wasn’t anything wrong with it as obviously there were women and men out there that enjoyed it and didn’t die immediately of disease or shame. Yet there has always been a barrier for me in truly giving my arsehole some attention and I think part of that is this insistent cultural nagging voice in the back of my head saying that something bad will happen. It is certainly true that anal takes time and can be difficult to enjoy, some never do. As I adventure as a sex store cleric I encounter countless people that seem wonderfully brave, because they are not afraid of their bodies and the functions which it does normally. They enjoy pleasure and laugh off the accidents that happen and they reject societal concerns over the dirty-hole. I want to be like that too and by recording my exploration of anal for Wicked Wanda’s readers; I hope to make myself more comfortable with my own body in all of its kooks and crannies.

This series of blog posts will explore my personal journey through the wonderful land of anal, as I experiment and find ways that it works for me, and maybe you’ll find ways it works for you or think of some new ways to breach the other gates. I am a cis-gendered woman and work in a sex store, so some of my experiences may not reflect what you or others have done or felt in your own exploration. This is why I will be welcoming guest writers to share their own anal adventures for your reading pleasure. Share your anal stories and your anal questions and they will be anonymously featured and answered on the Wicked Wanda’s website and the Booty Blog. Email to submit questions and stories.analsex

Sex should be fun and we can have fun by experimenting in a sex-positive environment which breeds education and further understanding. Our bunghole is just one access- point, where we can achieve a higher level of sex-positivity and maybe have some mind-blowing orgasms at the same time.




Cis-gendered- When the wiggly bits I was born with and society identified as male or female, matches the gender identity (masculine or feminine) that I feel most embodies who I am.


Sutil Lube by Hathor- Reviewed

This review was originally written for Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium

There is a small but strong cultural idea that if one needs lube during sex, then someone (often the woman) is doing it wrong. Of course that is only from the heterosexual perspective but even as I work in a sex store, I still encounter people who think lube is only for when you need help. Yet, on the flipside, we sell lube like it is going out of fashion. What have some people discovered that others have not? Well I’m not one of those people who believe lube is only for those who need it, but I don’t often use it. Through my time as a sex store cleric, you grow to know the different lubricants, their purposes; texture, smell and you tend to find one that you love the most. For me that is the SUTIL Lube by Hathor.

“Hathor is the feminine principal of health, beauty, sensuality, love… eroticism. It is all the same to us. We believe that sex plays an important role in health and well-being. The Products that you purchase for sex should be as natural and healing as your facial products… and having aphrodisiacs in your facial products can only enhance your day!”

Melta Swift

I can’t rant and rave enough about this lubricant because it hits me in all the good places: pleasurable, long-lasting, eco-friendly and Canadian. The Hathor brand was created in 1989 by Melta Swift and Nathanda Swift in Vancouver; they had specialized in plant aphrodisiacs in spa treatment products and then moved to the erotic industry with their Hathor lubricants. All of their product-line is chemical, paraben, glycerin free with botanical eco-certified ingredients. You ask what does eco-certified mean?

The Eco-cert standard

“The use of ingredients derived from renewable resources, manufactured by environmentally friendly processes.” Eco-cert therefore checks: The absence of GMO, parabens, phenoxyethanol, nanoparticles, silicon, PEG, synthetic perfumes and dyes, animal-derived ingredients (unless naturally produced by them: milk, honey, etc.) and the biodegradable or recyclable nature of packaging.”

Finding an eco-friendly and Canadian brand of lube is amazing and it helps that the lube itself is absolutely fantastic. SUTIL (pronounced subtle) is the newest of their products to come out and what makes it distinct is that it feels like silicone but is water-based. When shopping for lube, generally I recommend going with water-based because it is totally safe with toys and doesn’t stain like silicone can. That said many people find that water-based runs dry fairly quickly which can be a pain. Those looking for long-last lubricants (especially for anal) tend to go towards silicone-based lubes because they are thicker and generally longer-lasting. Yet, a lot of the good toys we get today are made with silicone, and silicone toys and lube do not play nice with each other, or more accurately, they place too nice and start to melt into each other. Like I’ve said before, a cute metaphor but bad for your toys and pocketbook. That is why I like SUTIL so much because it is totally safe with all toys and it is actually thick like advertised.

An application that I hadn’t thought of but discovered with the SUTIL lube was the pleasure of waiting. While lube can be wonderful to get the party going with a bang, what it can also do is build-up to THE BANG. For some, friction is what makes masturbation or foreplay with a partner result in an orgasm. I discovered withSUTIL that you have to enjoy the smoothness of the lube and really get the engines roaring before you can start to feel real friction with a toy or whatnot. That means that when finally ready to orgasm it is bigger and better because it wasn’t rushed. You can also use SUTIL for sensual touching on erroneous zones and it is absolutely fantastic for anal play!

I don’t have a lot of criticisms for this product and the criticisms I do have are more from a customer with a small pocketbook then the actual product itself. This lube is expensive when looking at the other options for lube. It is $24.99 for a 4oz/ 120ml bottle and does not come readily available in other sizes. There is no small tester bottle you can take home. That said the price is fairly understandable when you consider that the product is Canadian made and eco-friendly with really finsutil 3e ingredients. When compared to other silicone-based lubes which range around $20.00 for the same amount, the price is pretty fair for the product received. Did I mention the bottle is 100% biodegradable?

I absolutely love this product for all kinds of sexual playing and with no real taste, there is nothing stopping you from enjoying all of your sexy times with SUTIL. This product makes my wiggly bits and my socially-conscious self very happy and I highly recommend everyone to try Hathor and specifically the SUTILlubricant.